SNL Celebrity Jeopardy: The Cartoon Edition
by The Angry American
Summary: What happens when your favorite characters from your favorite cartoons compete in an all out war of "Celebrity Jeopardy"? Nothing but full-on havoc! I do not own "Saturday Night Live" or it's "Celebrity Jeopardy" sketches, just to let you know. Chapter 12: Raven, Montana Max and Sean Connery
1. Applejack, Dan and Sean Connery

**SNL Celebrity Jeopardy: The Cartoon Edition  
**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Saturday Night Live, the Celebrity Jeopardy sketches or any cartoons associated with Cartoon Network, Disney, Hub Network, Adult Swim or the likeliness of SNL-styled Sean Connery. Just to let you know.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 1: Applejack, Dan and Sean Connery  
**

The Celebrity Jeopardy theme song was playing all throughout the studio. Three unlucky cartoon characters were standing next to their podiums, itching to play the second round. The host Alex Trebek was standing near the host's podium, looking dapper as ever.

"Welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy." Trebek sighed, "I could've brought my syringe needle for the occasion, but the producers didn't feel the need to have my death aired on national television. With that said, let's take a look at the scores. Applejack from 'My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic" is at 1st place with -10,000.

The camera shifted over to Applejack, who raised her hat as if she was saying hello?

"It's good to be back here, Trebek. Even Winona's good to be here!" Applejack exclaimed.

"Wynonna? You mean the country star?" Trebek said in surprise, looking around the studio, "Where is she?"

"I'm not talkin' about country music, Trebek! I'm talkin' about my dog!" Applejack said, staring down at the host's leg for some reason, "Looks like she's happy to see you!"

Alex Trebek then felt his leg being humped by Applejack's dog. He felt a little bothered by her since Winona was a girl dog. Trebek was trying to get Winona off of him, but she was sticking to him like gum.

"Can... can somebody get this bastard dog off of me?" Trebek said, still struggling to get Winona off of him.

Then finally, it took security personal to get Winona off of the host. Unfortunately the damage was done when Trebek looked down at his leg one more time.

"Oh, great... now she pissed on me. How family-friendly..." Trebek angrily sighed, "Moving on then. In second place with negative -30,000... Dan from 'Dan Vs.'"

The camera then shifted over to Dan, who didn't look very happy as a matter of fact. Unfortunately, there was never a dull moment where he would smile. Except getting his revenge on somebody.

"I hate everything in life!" Dan exclaimed, "I hate you, Trebek!"

"That's weird, it's just like my life, only more crappier." Trebek sighed yet again, "And of course... in third place with a shocking -250,000 points... Sean Connery."

The camera then pointed over to Alex Trebek's arch nemesis, Sean Connery. Only this time, he looked like his old self and not animated, since he didn't count as a cartoon."

"It's good to be back, Trebek!" Sean Connery said with a bow.

"Well, that's good." Trebek nodded.

"Just like how your mother was last night!" Connery lashed out, laughing his ass off at Trebek's expense.

Trebek on the other hand, hit his head in stupidity.

"Why in the hell did I say that?" Trebek said, rolling his eyes, "Enough of that nonsense now, let's go to Double Jeopardy. The categories are... 'Potent Potables', 'Famous Dogs', 'What Year Is This', 'The Color Red', 'Shows that end in Ull House', and 'Are You Drunk'? Applejack, since you're in the lead, you choose. May I suggest 'Famous Dogs'?"

"Can I have apple cider?" Applejack answered.

"Applejack, that's not a category..." Trebek sighed.

"I know, I'm just thirsty. I forgot to drink somethin' on the way over here." Applejack said, feeling her stomach starve of complete thirst.

"You'll have to wait until the show's over, miss." Trebek said in unison, "Let's let Dan choose a category..."

Trebek turned his attention to Dan, who flipped off the host with his middle finger.

"And now, he's flipping me off. How nice of you, Dan." Trebek scowled over to Dan, "Let's let Mr. Connery choose a category, then."

"I reign supreme!" Connery shouted in glory, "I'll take 'Famous Bitches' for $400."

Alex Trebek hit his head in frustration again. It was the second time he did that, responding to Connery's usual stupidity.

"Mr. Connery, it's 'Famous Dogs', not 'bitches'." Trebek corrected him, "Anyway, 'Famous Dogs' for $400. The answer is: This dog travels with the Mystery Machine and is the title character on the cartoon, 'Scooby Doo'. C'Mon... you all know this one."

_***BUZZ!***_

"Mr. Connery?"

"Sarah Michelle Gellar! She's one hell of a hot bitch!" Connery answered.

"Definitely not, Mr. Connery." Trebek scowled back.

_***BUZZ!***_

"Applejack?" Trebek said.

"What is Winona?" Applejack answered as well.

"No, Applejack." Trebek responded.

"Why not?" Applejack shrugged frantically, "I thought the category was called 'Famous Dogs'. And since I thought of dogs, I chose Winona. That's gotta be the question, right?"

"I'm sorry Applejack, but Winona is not the correct answer." Trebek said.

_***BUZZ!*  
**_  
"Dan? You have an answer?" Trebek asked the malcontent.

"You are. You act like a bitch to begin with." Dan snickered.

Trebek was feeling very unimpressed by today's batch of contestants. They were a lot more stupider than ever.

"Sorry, Dan. That's wrong. The answer is: Scooby-Doo." Trebek corrected the contestants, "Since the three of you have the IQ of a retarded monkey, I'll choose a category for you. Let's try 'The Color Red' for $400. The answer is: This is the color of apples."

The rest of the contestants were stumped. They didn't exactly know this answer very well.

"Applejack. You're more than welcome to buzz in. After all, you do know a thing or two about apples." Trebek smiled to her.

After quick thinking, one of the contestants finally decided to buzz in.

_***BUZZ!***_

"Mr. Dan."

"What is blood? Your talking makes my ears bleed." Dan scowled at the host.

"As much as I appreciate you giving me that answer, since 'blood' is perhaps a delectable answer for the color, it's not right." Trebek truthfully said.

In response, Dan went down on his knees in defeat, clenched his fists and yelled to the sky in regret.

"TREBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKK!" Dan shouted.

_***BUZZ!***_

"Applejack, you know the answer?" The host replied.

Trebek looked over and saw Applejack chug down a bottle of apple cider. He looked a little bothered to say the least.

"Applejack! You can't drink in the middle of the show!" Trebek snapped.

"Why? I was thirsty, so I couldn't wait!" Applejack snapped back. Unfortunately, when she turned to Trebek, the apple cider started pouring liquid on her podium. Trebek was now more bothered than ever!

"Hey, don't do that!" Trebek fumingly shouted, "You're getting all over the floor!"

"That's what your mother said last night!" Connery said in retaliation.

Trebek was constantly irritated by Connery's dirty sex joke. That's where he decided to end things from here.

"Oh, woe is me..." Trebek said sarcastically, "You know, let's just forget what the answer is and move on to Final Jeopardy. The final category is..."

However, Trebek shot a glare at the contestants, in which he felt that it wasn't his day to tell them what the category was.

"You know what, why don't you tell me what you want instead, that way it's much easier for you to win and for me to make me leave this god-forbid studio." Trebek scowled again.

The Final Jeopardy theme song started to play out as both Applejack, Dan and Sean Connery grabbed their pens and wrote on the podiums.

"If you want money, then draw money." Trebek said, talking through the nice intermission, "If you want pot, then draw pot. If you want to draw a gun and shoot my head clean off, don't worry about writing the answer, just grab the gun off my dressing room and kill me off of this world forever."

The song finally began to close off as the trio finally put their pens away so that Trebek could see the excellent work they've done.

"Okay, let's see what kind of gems they came up with." Trebek said, approaching Applejack's podium, "Applejack, we'll start with you. You wrote down..."

_**Applejack's answer: Apple cider**_

"Apple cider." Trebek replied, "Well, since you have my podium smelling like tasty fluid fruit, that's actually the right answer. Let's see what you wagered..."

_**Applejack's wager: Four bits**_

"Four bits." Trebek sighed, "Applejack, as much as I hate to tell you this, we only accept cash, not foreign money from Ponyville.

In response, Applejack threw her bits at the host's face. Trebek looked a little bothered, considering he had coins flown at his face.

"You suck donkeybutt, Trebek!" Applejack snapped at the host.

"I know..." Trebek sighed as he left Applejack's podium to go to Dan, "Dan, you look very-"

Trebek never finished that sentence. Instead...

...Dan retaliated by throwing a pen at Trebek's face.

"OW!" Trebek yelled in pain, "Why in the hell did you do that?"

"Because I hate everything!" Dan snapped back, "Especially you."

"Well, thanks for the brotherly love, Dan..." Trebek said fuming in defense, "Let's see what your answer is."

_**Dan's answer: Don't bother trying to get an answer and wager for me, because if you make me answer, I will find you in your sleep and take a dump on your face.**_

Trebek looked a little disturbed, yet bothered by that gruesome image. So he decided to pass him instantly.

"Well, that sounds easy enough than I expected." Trebek replied as he headed over to Connery's podium, "Okay, Mr. Connery. The topic is 'What Do You Want' and you wrote..."

_**Connery's answer: Trebek's mother**_

Seeing this answer, Trebek paused in sudden disbelief. To make matters worse, Sean Connery laughed at his face.

"You should know how to choose your final categories carefully, Mr. Trebek! I'm a professional, just like what your mother felt last night!"

Annoyed by Connery's laughter, Trebek ripped up his answer card in frustration.

"You sicken me, Mr. Connery..." Trebek glared hatefully at his rival, "That's all for Celebrity Jeopardy, I'm gonna lock myself in my bathroom and cry a little. Good day."

* * *

**Ouch. That oughtta hurt.**

**And yes, if you're asking... Mr. Connery will be in every sketch, so you're gonna see every two cartoon characters on there every episodes.**

**BTW, the characters I choose will be from these following cartoons:**

**Total Drama series, Grojband, 6teen, Phineas and Ferb, Gravity Falls, Regular Show, Adventure Time, South Park, Simpsons, Futurama, Family Guy, American Dad, Ed, Edd n Eddy, Spongebob SquarePants, Dan vs., My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, Beavis and ButtHead, Tiny Toon Adventures, Animaniacs, SWAT Kats: The Radical Squadron, and The Fairly Oddparents.**

**That's all I got. Now which trio, alongside Sean Connery, will be next? Find out 'til next chapter! (;D)  
**


	2. Mordecai, Mabel Pines and Sean Connery

**SNL Celebrity Jeopardy: The Cartoon Edition  
**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Saturday Night Live, the Celebrity Jeopardy sketches or any cartoons associated with Cartoon Network, Disney, Hub Network, Adult Swim or the likeliness of SNL-styled Sean Connery. Just to let you know.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 2: Mordecai, Mabel Pines and Sean Connery  
**

Once again, the Celebrity Jeopardy theme song played non-stop as two more cartoon characters stood next to their podiums, alongside a certain white-bearded troll. Alex Trebek was standing near the host's podium, looking dapper as ever.

"And welcome to Celebrity Jeopardy." Trebek sighed, "Before we go to Double Jeopardy, I would like to remind everyone watching at home to please turn off your television right now. I promise you, you will never get these precious 11 minutes of your life back. With that said in mind, let's check out the scores. At 1st place with -5,000, is Mordecai from "Regular Show".

The camera took his focus over to Mordecai, who looked very pumped to be here.

"Before I begin, I want to do some shout-outs to all of the people watching at home!" Mordecai spoke to the camera, "Hi, Rigby! Hi, Thomas! Hi, Margaret! Hi, Muscle Man! Hi, Skips! Hi, Eileen! Hi, Skips! Hi, Pops! Hi, Benson! Hi, private coke dealer! Hi, hot slut who lives in my room! This one's for you! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAH!"

Trebek looked a little disturbed of how Mordecai was acting to be honest.

"How very out of character of you, Mordecai." Trebek rolled his eyes, "In 2nd place with -28,000... is Mabel Pines from 'Gravity Falls'."

The camera then scrolled over to Mabel Pines...

...who ended up bedazzling her whole face.

"I bedazzled my whole face again!" Mabel shouted out while holding a bedazzler gun!

"Yeah, that's pretty much a cry for help if I ever saw one..." Trebek sighed, "And last but least... in 3rd place with a record breaking -500,000 dollars... Sean... Connery..."

The camera then shifted his attention to Sean Connery, looking very snug and sarcastic as ever. He couldn't wait to get a piece of Trebek.

"We meet once again, Trebek. I want you to know that I made a jack-o-lantern just in time for Halloween." Connery said, smirking in the air.

"You did?" Trebek surprisingly replied, "Well done, Mr. Connery."

"Well done? That's how your mother likes it!" Connery boistered out, laughing his ass off at Trebek's expense again.

"I'd knew you go there..." Trebek said, rolling his eyes, "Let's just move on to Double Jeopardy. The categories are... 'Potent Potables', 'Types of Soda Pop', 'Raise Your Hand', 'What's My Name', 'Famous NFL Teams', and 'Gay Celebrities'? Mordecai, since you're fully leading, you choose."

"Okay... I choose my best friend Rigby to come to the stage and holler with me!" Mordecai hollered.

And then out of nowhere, Mordecai's best friend Rigby came out of the audience and ran up to his friend. Feeling pumped, they hollered together.

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAH!" Mordecai and Rigby shouted.

Rigby then went back to his seat, while Trebek hit his head in frustration.

"That's not what I meant, Mordecai." The host sighed again, "You know what, I'll let Mrs. Pines choose."

"You want me to bedazzle your face, Mr. Trebek?" Mabel smiled, holding her bedazzler gun in the air, "It makes your moustache colorful."

"No thanks. Besides, don't those things hurt you, Mabel?" Trebek said.

"A little..." Mabel said, trying to blink his eyes, but felt a little ounce of pain due to the jewels on her face, "Ow!"

"Yeah, maybe I'll pass..." Trebek muttered, "You know what, let's try Gay Celebrities for $400. The answer is: Neil Patrick Harris plays Barney Stinson on this CBS sitcom entitled, '_How I Met Your Mother_.' If you say 'How I Met Your Mother', you automatically get points."

_***BUZZ!***_

"Mr. Connery?" Trebek said.

"I met your mother last night behind a bowling alley!" Connery taunted in Trebek's face, "She loves to be split open by my bowling pin! HAHAHAHA!"

Trebek scowled at him for that little remark. Despite wanting to fight back verbally, Trebek decided to let it pass.

"Definitely not, Mr. Connery." Trebek muttered hatefully.

_***BUZZ!***_

"Mordecai?"

"What is 'Doogie Howser M.D.'? WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAH!" Mordecai hollered again.

"Not even close, Mordecai." Trebek said, fuming from the mouth.

_***BUZZ!***_

"Mabel Pines, you got a question?" Trebek said to Mabel.

"My mother actually gave birth to me. So technically, we didn't really meet. I was born two minutes before my brother Dipper was born-"

But before she could actually finish her little tale, the timer ran out on her.

"I'm sorry Mabel, time is up." Trebek muttered lowly, "The answer is 'How I Met Your Mother'. Since some of you are half-retarded not to know the answer, I'll let Mr. Connery choose a category."

"How mighty boyish of you, Trebek." Connery smiled evilly, "I'll take Types of Soda Poop" for $800.

"Mr. Connery... it's 'Soda Pop', not 'Soda Poop'." Trebek corrected him.

"No way... you can poop soda?" Mordecai said in amazement, "I wonder how you do that?"

"No Mordecai, you can't poop soda..." Trebek muttered.

But then all of a sudden, Mabel decided to buzz in.

_***BUZZ!***_

"What is it, Mabel?" Trebek said.

"I want to poop out soda! Let me try!" Mabel hollered.

Contrary to her words, Mabel squatted down and squeezed tight, hoping what she said was true. Being a little disgusted, Trebek tried to stop her from doing the unthinkable.

"Mabel, you are not crapping prematurely on our studio. This is a family show here!" Trebek sternly exclaimed.

Knowing that she can't actually poop out soda, Mabel went back to her podium as the host continued the show.

"That's better." Trebek gladly responded, "Look, why don't I choose another category for the rest of you? How about "What's My Name" for $800-"

But before Trebek could actually get to the clue, Mordecai buzzed out on him.

_***BUZZ!*  
**_  
"Mordecai, you need to let me finish the clue." Trebek sternly asked the bluejay.

"Your name is Alex Trebek." Mordecai pointed out.

"Yes, Mordecai... that's my name, but that's not the right answer." Trebek corrected him, "You need to let me finish-"

_***BUZZ!***_

"Mabel Pines?" The host replied.

"Alex Trebek!" Mabel pointed out as well.

"Mabel, that's not the right answer!" Trebek impatiently replied, "You need to let me finish the clue!"

_***BUZZ!***_

Tired by all of this constant interrupting, Trebek lost his cool and snapped at the recipient who buzzed in on him.

"WHAT THE HELL IS IT, MR. CONNERY!?" Trebek shouted angrily.

"Your name is Alex Trebek, the guy who's mother got banged last night." Connery smiled.

Hearing this, Trebek hit his head on the podium in frustration. He didn't know if he wanted to cry or go on a killing spree. But he was definitely depressed from all these interruptions.

"I was gonna ask all of you if you would tell me your name, you would get points. But since you all decided to act like braindead retarded monkeys, nobody gets points." Trebek gritted his teeth in anger.

But before Trebek could even think of going to Final Jeopardy, all three contestants buzzed in.

_***BUZZ!* *BUZZ!* BUZZ!***_

"Mordecai!" Mordecai shouted out.

"Mabel Pines!" Mabel shouted out as well.

"Your mother." Connery snarled.

"A little late for that, guys." Trebek muttered, "Let's just move on to Final Jeopardy. The final category is 'Types of Food or Drink'. Just give me any type of food or drink. Do that, and you'll win."

Hearing the Final Jeopardy theme song around the studio, Mordecai, Mabel Pines and Sean Connery grabbed their white pens and started writing on the podiums.

"You can draw a hamburger. Or a hot dog. Or if you want to draw something to drink, then draw beer, whiskey, or soda." Trebek said, talking through the intermission, "As long as it's either a food or drink, you win."

Knowing the song was minutes from fading away, the three contestants put down their pens, having finished their answers.

"Since I don't have a life to live, let's get started." Trebek replied, focusing his attention on Mordecai, "Mordecai, you look very pumped. Let's see what you wrote down..."

_**Mordecai's answer: Between**_

"Between..." Trebek muttered, "Mordecai, that's just a word, not a food or drink."

"Sorry dude, I ran out of time." Mordecai truthfully said.

"Cry me a river, Mordecai. Let's see what you wagered." Trebek rolled his eyes.

_**Mordecai's wager: Margaret's legs  
**_

"Margaret's legs..." Trebek said, reading the entire answer and wager, "Between Margaret's legs?"

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAH!" Mordecai hollered in Trebek's face, "Everyone knows how much I love to 'eat her out' at night! Talk about a tasty appetite!"

Alongside a high five from fellow contestant Sean Connery, the host scowled at Mordecai's face in defense.

"Okay, I really don't want to know about that..." Trebek fumed, "Mabel Pines, glad to see those jewels are off your face. Remember the topic is 'Types of Food or Drink' and you wrote down...

_**Mabel's answer: ?**_

"Absolutely nothing." Trebek said in a blank slate, "Well, can't blame you for that. We all run out of time somehow. Let's see what you wagered..."

_**Mabel's wager: ?**_

Trebek hit his head in frustration yet again. How was Mabel stupid enough to not answer and wager one time?

"You couldn't give me one answer or wager? Are you that braindead?" Trebek harshly shouted at Mabel.

"It was hard." Mabel admitted.

"Get some help if you can, I guess..." Trebek muttered in disbelief, "Okay, Mr. Connery... you're looking very sharp. Let's see what you've got."

_**Connery's answer: Soda**_

"Soda." Trebek said, reading the clue out loud, "Soda! That's a type of drink! How very unexpected of you, Mr. Connery. You managed to get the right answer!"

In total surprise, Alex Trebek shook Sean Connery's hand in congratulations._**  
**_

"Well... I always got a knack for this stuff, Trebek..." Connery chuckled.

"You definitely do, Mr. Connery..." Trebek chuckled as well, "Let's see what you wagered."

_**Connery's wager: Would you like some, Mr. Trebek?**_

"Would I like some?" Trebek raised an eyebrow.

Out of nowhere, Sean Connery handed Trebek a tasty bottle of Pepsi?

"It's on me, Trebek..." Connery smirked in secrecy.

Appreciated by this gesture, Trebek took the soda out of Connery's hand and started taking a sip. Truth is, the soda had a bit of a meaty aftertaste.

"Mmmmm, this is very interesting... " Trebek said, "I never had soda that tasted a bit gassy before."

"It should..." Connery snickered yet again, "I pooped it out of my butt!"

Hearing this, Trebek spat out Pepsi remains from his mouth in total disgust. Mordecai, Mabel, and Mr. Connery all laughed at Trebek's sudden misfortune.

"Dude, I can't believe you pooped Soda out of you!" Mordecai said in surprise.

"That's awesome!" Mabel exclaimed happily, "Can I try?"

Trebek couldn't say one word. All he did was stare at Sean Connery hatefully.

"How does it feel to taste number 2, Trebek?" Connery laughed at the host again.

Angrily, Trebek threw the bottle down to the floor in response, breaking it on impact.

"You make me sick, Mr. Connery!" Trebek snapped as he was about to storm out, "That's all for Celebrity Jeopardy, I'm washing my mouth out with bleach! GOOD NIGHT!"

* * *

**Hah, I didn't see that coming at all. With all those insults, no wonder Trebek is gonna lose it someday.**

**Now that I'm done with Mordecai and Mabel, who else will join Sean Connery in tormenting Trebek? Find out until the next chap! (;D)**


	3. Owen, ButtHead and Sean Connery

**SNL Celebrity Jeopardy: The Cartoon Edition  
**

**Rated M**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Saturday Night Live, the Celebrity Jeopardy sketches or any cartoons associated with Cartoon Network, Disney, Hub Network, Adult Swim or the likeliness of SNL-styled Sean Connery. Just to let you know.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 3: Owen, ButtHead and Sean Connery  
**

For the third excruciating time, the Celebrity Jeopardy song played again as two more victims alongside a certain Scottish actor stood next to their podiums, while Alex Trebek entered the studio, looking a bit pitiful.

"Welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy." Trebek sighed, "I apologize to all gays, blacks and young children who may be watching this little trainwreck of a disaster. All giftbaskets will be sent to your door in apology. Anyway, let's check out the scores. Owen from the "Total Drama" series is in 1st with 0, because he nearly spent the entire first half thinking about food.

The camera focused straight on the winner of Total Drama Island, Owen, who was daydreaming.

"I love how Alex Trebek's head looks like a potato..." Owen said in a zombie-like trance, "You're like... Mr. Potato Head with flour on your face."

Trebek on the other hand, looked a little creeped out.

"That's, um... very nice." Trebek said, cringing at Owen's behavior, "ButtHead from "Beavis And ButtHead" is 2nd place with negative -8,000."

After Owen, the camera got a nice look at ButtHead, who was laughing like a total deadbeat.

"Huhuhuhuh... look at me, I'm on Wheel of Fortune... huhuhuhuhuh." ButtHead laughed.

Trebek was a little more disturbed by ButtHead's behavior, much more than he was with Owen.

"Butthead, you do realize you're on Celebrity Jeopardy, not Wheel of Fortune." Trebek reminded him.

"I'll take a C, Pat. Huhuhuhuhuhuhuh..." ButtHead laughed again.

"No, you will not." Trebek scowled, "And finally... in last place with a gut-wrenching -101,101... Sean Connery."

The camera then got a good look at Sean Connery, looking regal like last time.

"Well well well, if it ain't Mr. Potato Head." Connery snarled with a smile, "Just so you know, my score is very identical to women's breasts."

"I sorta see that. Horrible job you did." Trebek surprisingly replied, "Anyway, here are the categories for Double Jeopardy. They are... 'Potent Potables', 'Name That Sitcom', 'Look Down At Your Feet', 'Chick Flicks', "Where Are You Now', and 'Pie', in which if you choose that category, you automatically get pie. Owen, since you're in the lead, you choose a category. May I suggest you choose 'Pie'?"

"Nah, I'm not hungry right now." Owen said, refusing to choose.

But then all of a sudden, Owen visualized Trebek's head as a huge baked potato.

"I'm pretty much more of a potato person right now." Owen daydreamed again with that hungry look in his eyes.

"Okay, I'm not sure why, but you're sorta creeping me out." Trebek cringed, "You know, why don't I let ButtHead choose instead?"

"Okay. I choose nachos, I'm getting hungry. Huhuhuhuhuh..." Butthead laughed.

"ButtHead, you can't eat in the middle of a competition." The host sighed again, "You have to choose a category."

"Okay. Huhuhuhuhuh...?" ButtHead laughed once again, "I like to use a lifeline, Regis. Huhuhuhuhuh..."

Trebek suddenly hit his head in frustration. He couldn't believe how stupid ButtHead was in this show.

"I suddenly lost all hope for you..." Trebek said, rolling his eyes at the brace-faced teenager, "Mr. Connery... you choose a category."

"That's very nice of you Trebek." Connery gladly smiled, "I'll take Chick F**ks for $400."

"Mr. Connery, it's 'Chick Flicks', not Chick F**ks..." Trebek corrected him sternly, "Anyway, 'Chick Flicks' for $400. The answer is: This movie is the same name as the vegetable called 'Fried Green _Blank_'."

_***BUZZ!***_

"Mr. Connery?" Trebek said.

"Jennifer Love Hewitt." Connery answered politely.

"Mr, Connery... for the last time, it's 'Chick Flick's, not 'Chick F**ks'." Trebek corrected him again.

_***BUZZ!***_

"ButtHead?"

"Uhhhh... nachos? Huhuhuhuhuh..." ButtHead laughed.

"Are you a teenager or retarded?" Trebek sarcastically said.

_***BUZZ!***_

"Owen, you know the question?" Trebek said to a frantic Owen, "Remember, it's Fried Green... _blank_."

"Okay... I think I know this one..." Owen replied, getting into thinking mode.

He remembered the entire clue that Trebek read to him. It was a movie that is the same name as a vegetable. He remember 'Fried' and he remembered 'Green'. But then, he finally thought it out in the nick of time.

"What is... French Fried Potatoes?" Owen blurted out.

"Sorry Owen, that's wrong." Trebek muttered lowly, "The answer was 'Fried Green Tomatoes'."

_***BUZZ!***_

"What is it, Mr. Connery?" Trebek replied to the bearded simpleton.

"Your mother's got a fine ripe tomato!" Connery spoke out intentionally, "You know how much she likes to get plucked from behind!"

Trebek was not impressed of what Connery said about his mother. He scowled at him vengefully.

"Okay, that was way out of line, Mr. Connery!" Trebek angrily exclaimed.

He would have gotten the chance to lunge a fist at him, but since this was being taped on national TV, it wasn't worth it.

"Anyway, let's just move on to Name That Sitcom for $400." Trebek replied, "The answer is: Jaleel White plays Steve Urkel in the sitcom 'Family Matters'. If anyone of you says 'Family Matters', you get points."

After a few seconds of silence, someone decided to buzz in.

_***BUZZ!***_

"Butthead, you rang?" Trebek said.

"Huhuhuhuhuhuh... uhhhhhh, no I didn't." ButtHead laughed.

"Yes, you did. I saw you rang your buzzer." Trebek sternly replied.

"No, you didn't, assmunch." ButtHead cussed at the host. Trebek on the other hand, rolled his eyes in agony.

"I hate my job..." Trebek said to himself.

_***BUZZ!***_

"Owen?" Trebek sighed.

"I'm huuuuuuungrrrrrrry!" Owen whined.

Alex Trebek hit his own forehead in shame hearing Owen's whiny bullcrap.

"Go cry me a river, fatty. That's not the right answer..." Trebek muttered.

He was amazed that not Owen or ButtHead knew the answer was. But maybe Mr. Connery might know what it is. The scotsman buzzed in just at the nick of time.

_***BUZZ!*  
**_  
"Mr. Connery..." Trebek politely said, "Just say Family Matters, and you automatically win."

"What is Goal Flunkov?" Mordecai pointed out. (pronounced Go F**k-off)

"I'm sorry, but who in the heck is Goal Flunkov?" Trebek questionably shrugged his shoulders.

"Apparently, you need to, Trebek!" Connery said, laughing at his face.

Trebek couldn't believe Connery would say something so godawful to his face. Boy, would Trebek like to punch someone in the face right now.

"I can't believe I just heard that..." Trebek muttered, "Well, since I don't wanna waste my time with a fatass, a metal nard, and a sexual pariah with a beard, let's just go ahead to Final Jeopardy. The final category is Famous Poets of the 17th century."

But then, Trebek shot a glare into the contestants. They were busy scratching their heads, as if they didn't even know what the clue was, so Trebek decided to go another way.

"Oh, my mistake. We're supposed to use category for the actual Jeopardy." Trebek said, ripping up the answer cards, "Your new category is bunnies. Just draw any type of rabbit and you automatically win."

As the Final Jeopardy theme song played in intermission, Owen, ButtHead and Sean Connery grabbed their pens and started to write on the podiums.

"Remember, it can be any kind of rabbit." Trebek said, reminding the contestants, "If you wanna draw Bugs Bunny, draw Bugs Bunny. If you wanna draw Peter Cottontail, then draw Peter Cottontail. There is simply no way you cannot mess this up."

As the song came to a close, the three contestants put down their pens and awaited for the host to see their progress.

"Well, I only hope one of you messed up." Trebek replied, "Let's go to Owen..."

But when Trebek approached Owen's podium, he noticed that half of the fatboy's podium is gone. He could notice the huge teeth marks chewing through a good chunk of the metal._**  
**_

"...who ended up eating half of his podium." Trebek muttered.

"Sorry Alex, I was so hungry, I couldn't wait..." Owen said with his mouth stuffed full.

It wasn't over. Somehow, Owen unleashed a huge fart around Alex Trebek! The host smelt it from his nose and started to cringe on both the outside on the inside!

"Ack! Ack!" Trebek coughed in agony, "Damn it, Owen... what the hell did you eat?"

"Um... I don't know..." Owen replied, "Does french bread mixed with beans count?"

Trebek felt like he was about to vomit heavily all across a good portion of the studio, but Trebek showed good acid reflux and kept his bile intact.

"I hope you die of diabetes, fatso!" Trebek snapped at Owen.

After he was finished choking to death, Trebek shook it off and approached Butt-Head's podium.

"Okay, ButtHead..." Trebek replied sternly, "Let's see what answer you came up with..."

_**ButtHead's answer: Boobies  
**_

"Boobies..." Trebek muttered, "ButtHead, the category was bunnies, not boobies!"

"It's boobies if I say it's boobies! Huhuhuhuhuhuh..." ButtHead laughed once more.

"Well, regardless of what you think, it's wrong. Let's see what ButtHead wagered..." Trebek replied, looking at the wager.

_**ButtHead's wager: Honk Honk  
**_

"Honk honk..." Trebek said, feeling unimpressed as it is.

"Huhuhuhuhuh..." ButtHead laughed, "That's the sound of a car honking. Huhuhuhuhuhuh..."

"Well..." Trebek paused, "Good for you, ButtHead. Don't come near my studio ever again."

Trebek decided to ignore ButtHead irritating laugh and approach the podium of his arch-rival Sean Connery.

"Well, Mr. Connery. You have a fresh bunny for me today?" Trebek sighed, fearing the worst.

"Well..." Connery paused with a little smile, "You could say that, Trebek..."

Trebek was a bit disturbed by Sean Connery's edgy smile. He knew what he was planning. The host decided that he wasn't taking any chances.

"Well, then... let's take a look at what you came up with..."

_**Connery's answer: A picture of Alex Trebek raping a bunny  
**_

Trebek was speechless at the picture. It was so foul, so dirty, and yet so wrong in all levels. This looked like an act of bestality to tell the truth.

"How nice, you drew of picture of me having sex with a rabbit..." Trebek said with an ounce of sarcasm, "You're hilarious, Mr. Connery..."

"Ah, don't be surprised!" Connery laughed, "I got plenty more where that came from. Like to check it out?"

"I rather not..." Trebek angrily muttered, "As for Celebrity Jeopardy, I quit. For real this time. Good night."

As an act of anger, Trebek marched out of the Jeopardy studio looking pissed off.

* * *

**You know, I think I might wanna raise the rating a little bit because of the 'boobies' and the 'rape' part. That would sound very right.  
**

**Now that Owen and ButtHead's done, who's next on making Trebek's life a living hell? Find out until next chap. C Ya! (;D)**


	4. Ed, Bender and Sean Connery

**SNL Celebrity Jeopardy: The Cartoon Edition  
**

**Rated M**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Saturday Night Live, the Celebrity Jeopardy sketches or any cartoons associated with Cartoon Network, Disney, Hub Network, Adult Swim or the likeliness of SNL-styled Sean Connery. Just to let you know.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 4: Ed, Bender and Sean Connery  
**

The Celebrity Jeopardy theme song started playing again for a fourth time as a certain beer-drinking robot and a unibrowed teenager stood alongside a white-bearded man with dirty thoughts in his mind. Alex Trebek, looking beat-up and exhausted, stood nice and easy while getting ready for the second round to air.

"And welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy." Trebek sighed, "Before we begin Double Jeopardy, I would like to take the time to remind everyone that free rabie shots will be available on your way out the door. I'm sorry if anyone might have been infected. With that said in mind, let's check out the progress. Ed from Ed, Edd n Eddy is in 1st place with a nauseating -8,000."

The camera took their attention to the dimwitted teenager with a unibrow, looking giddy as ever!

"I love buttered toast!" Ed shouted happily.

"Yeah, we all know that Ed. You don't need to keep telling us." Trebek cringed.

He then took his attention to the next contestant standing before Ed. With a drink of whiskey and a metallic physique, Trebek recognized the figure as Bender from 'Futurama'.

"Moving on..." Trebek paused, "Bender from Futurama is in second place with negative-."

"Bite my shiny metal ass, Trebek!" Bender exclaimed, cutting the host off rudely.

"Okay, I didn't need to hear that..." Trebek muttered, "And last, and definitely least... in third place with a whopping -$200,000... Sean Connery."

The camera took off their focus off of Bender only to take their attention at Sean Connery, looking very svelte.

"We meet once again, Trebek." Connery smiled at the host, "Had a very good sleep?"

"It was horrible..." Trebek groaned in agony.

"Horrible? That's not what your mother said last night. She likes it good and hard, Trebek!" Connery exclaimed, much to Trebek's total irritation.

Trebek on the other hand, look very pissed off of that little comment.

"Let's not get into this, Mr. Connery. I had enough horrible images to last me a life time." Trebek groaned once again, "Let's just move on to the categories for Double Jeopardy. They are... 'Potent Potables', 'Touch Your Feet', 'Hot Bodies' - in which this category is all about swimsuit models, 'Gangnam Style', 'Don't Eat This', and finally... 'Blow Your Nose'. Ed, since you're leading, you choose."

"Can I have a chicken?" Ed said.

"No, Ed... you can't have chickens. This is a game show, not a barn." Trebek reminded Ed.

"But I want chickens!" Ed whined at the point that he wasn't gonna get a chicken.

"Tough luck, let's see if Bender will choose a category." Trebek said, ignoring Ed's cries.

"I'll choose broads for $10,000, Sajak." Bender replied.

"Bender, my name's Alex Trebek, not Pat Sajak." Trebek reminded Bender.

"You suck as a game show host!" Bender lashed out angrily at Trebek.

"Yeah, I get told this all the time..." Trebek said, rolling his eyes lazily, "You know... let's just go to 'Gangnam Style' for $400. The answer is: "This Korean rapper is best known for the YouTube hit, 'Gangnam Style'."

The rest of the contestants looked very confused by this answer. It was almost like they didn't know it. Knowing that they didn't get the clue, Trebek decided to give them a little hint.

"I'll give you a little hint: It sounds like rye." Trebek hinted.

After seconds of silence, someone finally buzzed in.

_***BUZZ!***_

"Mr. Connery?" Trebek said.

"Who is Mike Hunt?" Connery guessed.

"Sorry, it's not Mike Hunt." Trebek shook his head.

Both Bender and Ed cringed, hearing Trebek's shocking comment in their own ears.

"Ew! Why on earth would you admit that?" Bender said in agony.

"Are you questioning your sexuality, host man?" Ed said, raising his unibrow.

"I don't know why you're asking me this all of a sudden. What is wrong with 'Mike Hunt'?" Trebek shrugged.

In response, Ed grabbed a barfbag and vomited while Bender vomited bolts and nuts all over the podium. Connery on the other hand, laughed his ass off, much to Trebek's confusion.

"There's nothing wrong with your c**t, Trebek. I mean, every girl has one." Connery snickered.

But then Trebek realized what that little practical name joke was. It was so dirty and yet so forbidden that Trebek shook the nerves off of him instantly.

"Okay, I didn't need to know about that, Mr. Connery!" Trebek exclaimed, "Anyway, why don't you go ahead and choose a category?"

"Pleasure's all mine." Connery nodded, "I'll take 'Hot Boobies' for $800."

"B-boobi-" Trebek said, stuttering a bit, "Mr. Connery, the category is named 'Hot Bodies', not 'Boobies'!"

"You sure you don't want some for your chest, Mr. Trebek?" Bender replied.

"I'm not a lady, I'm a man!" Trebek whined as he ott on with the category, "Anyway, 'Hot Bodies' for $800. The answer is: 'She's the host of America's Next Top Model, and is also a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Model.' I'll give you another hint. It rhymes with 'Byra Tanks'."

_***BUZZ!***_

"Ed?" Trebek replied.

"I farted!" Ed shouted out

"Good to know, Ed..." Trebek angrily muttered.

_***BUZZ!***_

"Bender?" Trebek said once more.

"Jenna Jameson!" Bender guessed, "She's got hefty funbags!"

"No." Trebek responded, "Jenna Jameson's a pornstar."

_***BUZZ!***_

"Yes, Mr. Connery?" Trebek said.

"Pamela Anderson!" Connery guessed as well, "She's got nice goodies!"

"Guys, the categories is called 'Hot Bodies'!" Trebek shouted nearly losing his patience, "It's about swimsuit models, not pornstars and Playboy centerfolds!"

"Don't get your panties in a bunch, Trebek!" Connery snickered, "At least wear them!"

Trebek was starting to lose his patience with his contestants. He thought twice about starting a rampage, but decided that it wasn't worth it.

"I'm a frickin' guy, Mr. Connery!" Trebek snapped, "You know what? Let's just forget what the answer already is and go right to Final Jeopardy. The final category is 'What do you want to be when you grow up'. If you write me what you want to be when you grow up, you will win."

Hearing the Final Jeopardy song playing around the studio, Ed, Bender and Sean Connery got their pens and started writing down their answers and wagers.

"Remember, you can be anyone you want to be." Trebek said, reminding the contestants, "You can be a chef, or a astronaut, or a race car driver. Anything you want to be. You cannot seriously mess this up."

The song had finally ended as the trio of contestants set their pens down so that the host could see their progress. Alex started to approach Ed's podium first.

"Let's see what disasters they came up with.." Trebek replied, "We'll start with Ed. He wrote down..."

_**Ed's answer: Gravy  
**_

"Gravy..." Trebek muttered, "You want to be gravy, huh?"

"Gravy is my life, host man!" Ed exclaimed, "Without it, I am nothing..."

"I think retarded's more like it..." Trebek muttered behind Ed's back, "Let's see what you wagered."

_**Ed's wager: More gravy  
**_

"More gravy..." Trebek muttered once again, "You definitely need help, I assume..."

Trying to shake off Ed's current obsession with gravy, Trebek approached Bender's podium.

"Bender, you look psyched." Trebek smiled, "Let's see what answer you came up with."

_**Bender's answer: Bite my shiny metal**_

Trebek looked a little bothered reading Bender's insult answer.

"Bite my shiny metal..." Trebek said, reading the words very carefully, "...let me guess, you wagered the word 'ass'?"

_**Bender's wager: Ass**_

"And I was right..." Trebek paused in disbelief.

"You got that right, assbreath!" Bender shouted, getting all up in Trebek's face, "There's no way I ain't losing my money to a gonch like you! I'm gonna spend it all on hookers and booze and I ain't leaving you any, you lesbo!"

Trebek felt angered by those comments. But he decided to take a calm breath anyway.

"Bender, may I remind you you're playing for charity... but unfortunately, that's all out of the water now..." Trebek said as he was leaving Bender's podium.

Unfortunately, Mr. Trebek was about to go to the wasteland that was Mr. Connery's podium. The smirk on Mr. Connery's face said it all in stone.

"Finally, Mr. Connery..." Trebek sighed, "The final category is 'What do you want to be when you grow up', and you wrote down..."

_**Connery's answer: A picture of a fire truck**_

"Quite frankly, you drew a fire truck." Trebek nodded, "After all, you want to be a firefighter. How very unexpected of you to get the right answer, Mr. Connery. Very unexpected."

"Well, there's nothing I care more than our society's greatest firemen." Connery said, feigning a state of happiness

"Nice to hear you say that, Mr. Connery." Trebek chuckled, "Let's see what you wagered, shall we?"

_**Connery's answer: A picture of Alex Trebek getting run over  
**_

Trebek, like always, felt speechless and disrespectful at Mr. Connery's wager. Just like last time, and every time, Trebek got played for a fool again.

"You drew me getting run over by a fire truck..." Trebek said with a hint of anger on his face.

"Don't worry, I ran into your mother last night!" Connery laughed, "She knows she likes my stepladder, Trebek!"

Feeling a hint of hateful distaste, Trebek decided to end the show from here. Now he wanted to punch someone in the face really bad.

"I hope you rot in hell for this, Mr. Connery..." Trebek replied in full-blown anger, "That's all for Celebrity Jeopardy, I'm gonna go take a bath with my toaster. Good day."

* * *

**Dare I say it? Sean Connery: 4, Alex Trebek: 0. That guy can never catch a break!**

** Anyway, we'll see who's next to take on Alex Trebek on the next chapter of "SNL Celebrity Jeopardy: The Cartoon Edition". Until then, later! (;D)**


	5. Peter Griffin, Lindsay and Sean Connery

**SNL Celebrity Jeopardy: The Cartoon Edition  
**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Saturday Night Live, the Celebrity Jeopardy sketches or any cartoons associated with Cartoon Network, Disney, Hub Network, Adult Swim or the likeliness of SNL-styled Sean Connery. Just to let you know.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 5: Peter Griffin, ****Lindsay **** & Sean Connery  
**

For an excruciating fifth time, the Celebrity Jeopardy theme song played once again as a certain dumb blonde and a fatman with glasses appeared alongside a certain white bearded commoner. Alex Trebek, who was already exhausted after playing the first round, stood up with a straight face and welcomed everyone back to the program.

"And welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy." Trebek sighed sarcastically, "We got one hell of a frenzy going on. Only this time, it's without the psychotic serial killers running amuck at our studio. Let's take a look at the scores so far. In 1st place with -5,000, is Peter Griffin from 'Family Guy'."

The camera ended up getting a good look at Peter Griffin, who looked very confident.

"Good to be back here, Tom!" Peter exclaimed.

"Peter, my name's Alex. As in Alex Trebek?" Trebek said, trying to make Peter remember.

"Yeah, whatever." Peter nodded, "I'm ready to choose Potent Potables for $400, Alex!"

"I would, but we haven't started playing yet." Trebek muttered, "In 2nd place with a not-surprising -24,000, is Lindsay from 'Total Drama'."

The camera then focused right on Lindsay, who looked as beautiful and bustier than ever.

"I know I may be slow, Avery, but I can make up with Double Jeopardy!" Lindsay said to the host, not knowing that he was speaking into a pen.

"Lindsay, it's Alex, not Avery." Trebek corrected her, "And by the way, that's a pen, not a microphone. We already told that to Tom Hanks before."

Lindsay finally realized her little problem, because of the way that pen was poking her lips.

"Geez, no wonder this microphone looked a little inky. Thanks, Alan!" Lindsay exclaimed.

"No problem. And the name's Alex." Trebek corrected her, "And finally... in 3rd place with a whopping -150,000 points... Sean Connery."

After getting a good look at Lindsay, the camera focused on Trebek's most hated rival, Sean Connery. Connery couldn't wait to do what he did best: humilate Trebek.

"We meet again, Trebek!" Sean Connery smiled at the host.

"Let's just make this short, okay?" Trebek replied impatiently.

"Really? That's not what your mother said!" Connery smirked.

"I'm just gonna ignore that, alright?" Trebek said, rolling his eyes, "Anyway, here are the categories for Double Jeopardy. They are... 'Potent Potables', 'Is This A Cup', 'Rock Groups named Van Halen', 'Custer's Last Stand', 'Pick Your Nose', and 'Are You Tyler'? Peter Griffin, since you're in the lead, you start?"

Trebek's little statement forced Peter Griffin to think for a while. Which category really suited him well? He kept on thinking for a good few seconds until...

"I wanna go to the bathroom, Pat." Peter replied.

"You can't use the bathroom in the middle of a break." Trebek sternly responded, "And it's Alex Trebek, not Pat Sajak."

"Why not? That's where I do my thinking! I squeeze out farther and farther and father until an idea poops out on me." Peter told the host truthfully, "Plus, I masturbate a lot."

"Yeah, that was a mistake." Trebek muttered, "You know what? Maybe I'll let Lindsay choose a category. I prefer 'Are You Tyler' for $400?"

"My name's not Tyler! I'm Lindsay!" Lindsay whined emotionally.

"We all know your name's not Tyler. That's the name of the category, miss!" Trebek fumed erratically.

"That doesn't give you the right to call me names, Marc!" Lindsay shouted back.

Trebek hit his head on the podium again in stupidity. This was so like Lindsay to forget the host's name.

"Why do I ever go to you...?" Trebek madly muttered in anger, "Let's let Mr. Connery choose a category, okay?"

"Sounds very nice of you, Trebek!" Connery smiled gleefully, "I'll take 'Custer's Last STD' for $400."

"Connery, that's 'Custer's Last Stand', not 'Custer Last STD'!" Trebek corrected him.

But before Trebek could go on to the actual category, Peter buzzed in.

_***BUZZ!***_

"What is it, Mr. Griffin?" Trebek sighed.

"What is chlamydia?" Peter answered quickly.

"Peter, it's not about diseases!" Trebek shot back aggressively.

_***BUZZ!***_

"Lindsay?" Trebek sighed yet again.

"I'll take a P, Pat!" Lindsay shouted out.

Hearing this from the dumb blonde herself, Sean Connery let out a laugh from this bathroom humor. Alex Trebek on the other hand, wasn't laughing.

"I'd bet you do, Lindsay..." Connery chuckled.

"Guys..." Trebek paused impatiently, "You have to let me read the answer to the actu-"

_***BUZZ!***_

"What now, Mr. Connery?" Trebek responded.

"What is gonorrhea?" Connery replied.

Trebek's head hit the podium once again. He wasn't going anywhere with these useless trio of contestants. Not even one of them could remember his name, yet let him move on with the actual category itself!

"Mr. Connery, the category is called 'Custer's Last Stand', not 'Custer's Last STD'! Why can't you understand that by now?" Trebek viciously whined.

"Because, it says that on the board." Connery responded, pointing at the category board, "Take a look, you bearded fruit."

Alex Trebek turned right to the category board to find out that the 'an' to the word 'stand' was crossed out via a magic marker, therefore making the category 'Custer's Last STD' instead of 'Custer's Last Stand'. Trebek, in response, smacked his forehead in frustration.

"Okay, I can't see why we go anywhere with this..." Trebek sighed.

"Speaking of 'go', Trebek..." Connery stated leisurely, "I heard your mother went all around the world."

"Really?" Trebek surprisingly said, "I didn't quite know that."

"You should know, Trebek. Because I gave her quite the ride last night, if you know what I mean!" Connery taunted boisterously.

Trebek fell into Connery's devilishly evil hands once again. The host clenched his fist in total rage, as if he was looking to beat Sean Connery up for that little remark. But he shook it off instantly.

"I know what you mean, Mr. Connery..." Trebek said with a bland state, "Since we probably won't go anywhere with this, let's just go right on to Final Jeopardy. The category is: 'Who Am I?' All you have to do is to write my entire name along with the wager, and you will win. It's very easy to do."

Hearing the Final Jeopardy theme song in their heads, Peter, Lindsay and Sean Connery grab on to their pens and wrote down their answers.

"All of you have to do is to write the words 'Alex Trebek'." Trebek said through the intermission, "Just do what I tell you to do, and you'll have it right. It's spelled A-L-E-X T-R-E-B-E-K. There's no way you can mess this up instantly."

The song started to draw to a close as the threesome put down their pens and awaited the host to come take a look at them.

"Well, I pray to god that one of you knows my name." Trebek said, approaching the podium of one Peter Griffin, "Let's start with you, Mr. Griffin. You wrote down"

_**Peter's answer: Douchebag**_

"Douchebag..." Trebek muttered, "That's not exactly what I had in mind there..."

"I think I spelled your name right." Peter said in defense, "Alex Trebek is spelled D-O-U-C-H-E-B-A-G. See? Easy as pie!"

Trebek felt a little mad because of Peter's utter stupidity. He didn't know if he wanted to headbutt the fatman or break his face, but he was angry like a down-trodden bull.

"I hope you get euthanized for this..." Trebek said to Peter, before reaching Lindsay's podium, "Lindsay, you look dainty today! Think you've got the right answer?"

"I'm pretty sure I do, Richard Dawson!" Lindsay shouted in glory.

"I'm just gonna ignore that..." Trebek muttered, "You wrote down..."

_**Lindsay's answer: A picture of a cat**_

"And to no surprise, it's a picture of a poorly drawn kitty cat..." Trebek sighed, "You don't even know my name, do you?"

"I know your name!" Lindsay exclaimed with a smile, "It's Regis Philbin! I know I'm right! Right?"

Trebek felt a bit speechless and scorned. Lindsay was so dumber than the size of a thumbtack and the strain of dog hair combined.

"Close enough..." Trebek sighed again, approaching his arch-rival's podium, "Okay, Mr. Connery. As much as I want to dive off a cliff so badly, let's see what you wrote down."

_**Connery's answer: Alex Trebek's  
**_

Trebek saw this answer up close. Finally, at least someone knew his name! It wasn't a surprise that Sean Connery always knew what Alex's name was.

"Alex Trebek! Finally, somebody knows who I am!" Trebek said, displaying a smile of relief, "I don't know why you put an apostrophe next to the 's' word, but it's good enough for me! Thank you, Mr. Connery! At least there's nobody in the world that's less stupider than you!"

"Well, I can appreciate that very much, Alex..." Connery smiled back.

"I hope you finally pulled out a wager." Trebek smiled again, "Let's see what you have, Mr. Connery..."

_**Connery's wager: Mother is a slut**_

Looking at his arch-rival's wager, Trebek's manner went from happiness to anger in only an instant. For the fifth time, he got played once again by Sean Connery, who was laughing in the host's misery.

"Well, that pretty much explains why I fell for that..." Trebek sighed depressingly.

"C'Mon Trebek, it's so true!" Connery taunted in the host's face.

Not wanting to speak to Connery's bullshit, Trebek decided to end things the way he would usually do.

"Well... that's it for our show..." The host sighed, "If anyone needs me, I'll be in my trailer, trying to slash my wrists off. Good night."

* * *

**Wow, Lindsay was a dumber idiot than I thought. At least Peter managed to remember his first name at one point. No comment on that though.  
**

**Who will join Sean Connery on his long quest to torment Alex Trebek? Find out on the next chapter! Until then, sayo-frickin-nara! (;D)**


	6. Monty, Flash Sentry and Sean Connery

**SNL Celebrity Jeopardy: The Cartoon Edition  
**

**Rated M**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Saturday Night Live, the Celebrity Jeopardy sketches or any cartoons associated with Cartoon Network, Disney, Hub Network, Adult Swim or the likeliness of SNL-styled Sean Connery. Just to let you know. Oh, BTW, let's just say in this chapter that both contestants, except Sean Connery, are 18 years old.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 6: Monty Monogram, Flash Sentry**** & Sean Connery  
**

The Celebrity Jeopardy theme song had played for the sixth time again, much to everyone's horror. The son of Major Monogram and a human from Canterlot High with a black jacket and red/white stripes stood next to Alex Trebek's arch-rival. The host, particularly known as Alex Trebek, appeared with a exhausted expression and welcomed everyone back to the dreaded program

"Welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy." Trebek sighed sarcastically, "Before we begin Double Jeopardy, I would like to remind our contestants to once again, please quit using my leg as a urinal. I already told Mr. Connery that before. We got a close race here, so let's take a look at the scores so far. Monty Monogram from "Phineas and Ferb" is in 1st place with $2."

The camera got a good shot at Monty Monogram, who looked pretty damned handsome with his usual gray hoodie and awesome brown hair.

"Two is also the number for crap. Just to let you know, Trebek!" Monty exclaimed.

"Yeah, I didn't need to know about that..." Trebek sighed, "Flash Sentry from 'My Little Pony: Equestria Girls' is in 2nd place with -7,000."

The camera scrolled right over to Flash Sentry, who was tuning his guitar just for fun. As he did, the colorful teenager began to speak.

"I'll take Potent Potabl-"

"We haven't started playing yet." Trebek said, cutting Flash off a little bit.

"Really? Because that's not what your mother said." Flash smirked at the host.

The person alongside Flash, which happened to be Alex Trebek's arch-nemesis Sean Connery, let out a good hearty laugh. Annoyed, Trebek glared at Mr. Connery vengefully.

"I see you taught Flash very well, I assume..." Trebek scowled.

"This one's a professional, Trebek." Connery said, patting Flash Sentry on the shoulder, "Your mother can learn a lot from him, just like what I showed her last night!"

Trebek was yet again annoyed by Sean Connery's sick sexual humor. He rather not have the image of Sean Connery and his mother stuck inside his head.

"And that's why you're in third place with a staggering -200,000..." Trebek groaned, "But enough about this, let's just move on to Double Jeopardy. The categories are... 'Potent Potables', 'Hot Dogs', 'Ands and Buts', 'Fruits that end with 'rawberry'. 'Is This Your Left Hand', and 'Do You Watch Porn'. Monty Monogram, since you're in the lead, you choose first."

"Hmmmm..." Monty said, thinking in his own mind, "I'll take 'Hooters' for $400."

"Hooters?" Trebek said with a raised eyebrow, "Monty, the category is pronounced 'Hot Dogs', not 'Hooters'!"

"Sorry, I must be blind... I thought it said 'Hooters' and yet I don't see anything that says hot dogs." Monty commented.

"You know what, never mind. I'll let Flash Sentry choose a category." Trebek fumed instantly.

"Sure, give me 'Hooters' for $800." Flash said with a smile.

Trebek sighed grimly. This group of contestants was stupider than Trebek already thought, mostly because they were thinking of sex.

"It's 'Hot Dogs' not 'Hooters'!" Trebek shouted, losing his patience with both Monty and Flash.

"I hate hot dogs. Can't we just go to Hooters, instead?" Flash replied, shaking with anticipation.

"No, we're not going to Hooters!" Trebek angrily snapped, "You know, let's let Mr. Connery choose a category. Just to ease the tension."

"How very pleasurable of you, Alex! I'll take 'Hooters' for $400." Connery smirked.

Hearing that one word again, Trebek was starting to lose it. His teeth was gritting, his fists was clenching, and his anger was boiling up. Trebek wanted to explode in everyone of those contestants faces, but he decided to remain calm and give up for one day.

"Okay, fine. If you want 'Hooters', then you get 'Hooters' for $400." Trebek said in a calmly fashion, "The answer is: 'This alcoholic drink is served at Hooters'. I'll give you a clue contestants, it rhymes with 'sneer'."

_***BUZZ!***_

"Mr. Monogram?" Trebek spoke to Monty, who buzzed in.

"What is my girlfriend's hot rack?" Monty smiled, referring to his girlfriend, Vanessa Doofenshmirtz.

"No, it's not." Trebek said sternly, "It's supposed to rhyme with 'sneer'."

_***BUZZ!***_

"Flash Sentry?" Trebek sighed.

"What is Twilight Sparkle's hot rack?" Flash smiled greedily.

Trebek looked pretty much bothered by Monty and Flash's fascination of their respective girlfriend's boobs.

"Are you guys either thinking about breasts or being retarded?" Trebek scowled at them.

_***BUZZ!***_

"Mr. Connery?" Trebek said to his arch-rival.

"What is titty milk?" Connery smirked.

"Definitely not, Mr. Connery." Trebek scowled once again.

"Why not? Milk does a body good, Trebek. Just like what I made to your mother last night!" taunted Sean Connery.

Trebek was getting a bit agitated by this. He definitely wanted to punch Sean Connery in the face very badly.

"How very family-friendly of you, Mr. Connery..." Trebek said with his teeth gritting madly, "The correct answer was beer! But since you crazy perverts are still fantasing about your half-retarded brains being cut off by me, I'll choose a category for you. 'Do You Watch Porn' for $400. The answer is: 'Do you watch porn'?"

But before someone can buzz in, Trebek looked over to Monty's podium to find the handsome youngster spazzing all over.

"Oh.. crap... Oh crap! Ohhh, that's the stuff, baby..." Monty moaned.

Trebek on the other hand, decided to approach him, just to scare the living crap out of him.

"Getting your sexual kicks in I see..." Trebek smirked.

Monty soon opened his eyes and saw Trebek standing here. Feeling embarrassed, Monty looked down at his podium and whispered to someone.

"_Oh crap. Vanessa, get out of here. Trebek caught us..._"

Unexpectedly, Vanessa Doofenshmirtz emerged from under Monty's podium and left the set, not without wiping her mouth off first. Monty felt a little red-faced.

"I was gonna ask you if you watch porn, but from what I saw from you and your little girlfriend, I don't need to speak any further..." Trebek muttered with a smile, "Now let's move on..."

_***BUZZ!***_

"Yes, Mr. Sentry?" Trebek said.

"Is this a trick question?" Flash Sentry replied.

"No, it's not a trick question, Mr. Sentry." Trebek spoke back nodding.

"In other cases, no." Flash Sentry responded, shaking his head in a negative way, "But just in case, I'll take 'Hooters' for $800."

"For the last time, the category is pronounced 'Hot-"

_***BUZZ!***_

But then, Trebek was cut off by his bearded arch-rival.

"What is it, Mr. Connery?" Trebek sternly asked him.

"Yes, I watch corn!" Connery boistered out.

"Mr. Connery, it's 'Porn', not 'Corn'!" Trebek corrected him.

"Why not? Your mother likes corn..." Connery said with a light pause, "She loves to get a taste out of my corncob, if you know what I mean!"

Now Trebek was really mad. He could feel a moment away from smashing someone's poor skull into dust with these insults.

"Yeah, thanks for sharing me that sad memory, Mr. Connery..." Trebek scowled, "Anyway, let's just go on to Final Jeopardy. The category is: 'Who is your favorite character?' Just write down your favorite character, whether it's from your own show or not, and you will win."

The Final Jeopardy theme song came on at the right time as Monty, Flash Sentry and Sean Connery started using their pens to write on their podiums.

"It's very simple to do." Trebek replied in intermission, "You can draw SpongeBob SquarePants. Or Bugs Bunny. Or Phineas. Heck, maybe Ferb. As long as it's a cartoon character, you will win."

Noticing that the song was about to end, the trio put down their answers and wagers in the nick of time. It was now time for Alex Trebek to check out their work, starting with Monty Monogram.

"Okay, let's see the priceless worth of junk our contestants came up with." Trebek stated, "Let's see what Monty Monogram came up with..."

_**Monty's answer: I**_

"I..." Trebek said, reading the answer out loud, "Well, 'I' must mean you, so despite your perverted thoughts about boobs, you answered correctly."

"Indeed, I did!" Monty exclaimed.

"Let's take a look at your wager, then..." Trebek chuckled.

_**Monty's wager: Love Vanessa Doofenshmirtz**_

"I love Vanessa Doofenshmirtz..." Trebek muttered, reading the wager out loud.

And then, out of nowhere, the audience let out an 'Awwwwwwwww' regarding Monty's love for Vanessa.

"It's true." Monty nodded, "She's the hot slut of my dreams..."

Trebek seemed a little bothered that Monty would refer his girlfriend as a 'hot slut'.

"How heartwarming of you, Monty..." Trebek replied, while approaching Flash's podium, "Flash Sentry, let's hope you came up with a favorite character. What did you put down?"

_**Flash Sentry's answer: Twilight Sparkle's  
**_

"Twilight Sparkle's..." Trebek muttered, "I don't even know why you put an apostrophe among the 's', but nevertheless, you have it right. Let's see your wager."

_**Flash Sentry's wager: hooters**_

"Hooters..." Trebek muttered bluntly, "Why do you always think about boobs?"

"What can I say? I like her milk jugs." Flash said in defense, "My girlfriend's got some hot breast milk, everyone!"

Trebek felt even more bothered when the men around the audience hootered and hollered in Flash Sentry's response to Twilight's breasts.

"You definitely need help, I concur..." Trebek sighed in response, before approaching Sean Connery's podium in grim fashion, "Okay, Sean Connery. The topic was 'favorite character', and you put down..."

_**Connery's answer: A picture of Alex Trebek squatting down sumo style  
**_

Trebek couldn't tell what the picture was, so he had to look closer. When he got too close, he found out it was a cartoon version of himself.

"Is that really me, Mr. Connery?" Trebek said to his rival in confused fashion, "I know I'm not a cartoon character, but that is some fancy work you did right here! I hate to admit this, but that's actually right."

"Why, thank you, Alex." Connery smiled back, "I'd figured it's my little gift to you for trashing you all these years."

"It's no problem at all, Mr. Connery." Trebek smiled back as well.

"Care to see what I've wagered, Trebek?" Connery replied, planning something under his sleeve.

"Well..." Trebek paused as he was thinking second thoughts, "If you say so..."

_**Connery's wager: A picture of Trebek's mother being pooped on.  
**_

Trebek saw his wager and was flabbergasted. Connery on the other hand, laughed at the fact that Trebek fell for it once again.

"You drew me taking a dump on my own mother..." Trebek grunted angrily

"Talk about your mother being a steamy hot mess, huh?" Connery taunted in Trebek's face once again.

Feeling a bit mad and looking a bit sad, Trebek decided to end things here by staring at Sean Connery hatefully and harshly tearing off his note cards.

"I hope you get incarcerated for this!" The host shouted in anger, "As for me! I quit! Good fucking night!"

* * *

**I guess nobody ever expected Monty to get blown on national TV. He's such an awesome character on "Phineas and Ferb", only because I prefer Monty with Vanessa instead of Ferb and Vanessa together.  
**

**This is perhaps my weakest chapter, since Monty and Flash didn't act like themselves in the show. But I figured it would be hysterical if they had such dirty thoughts. The again, maybe they were a little OOC, but either way, I'm a bit confused.  
**

**Anyway, since I'm done with Monty and Flash Sentry, who will join Sean Connery next chapter? Find out!  
**

**And no, I do not take requests. Just to let everyone know.**


	7. Justin, Rarity and Sean Connery

**SNL Celebrity Jeopardy: The Cartoon Edition  
**

**Rated M**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Saturday Night Live, the Celebrity Jeopardy sketches or any cartoons associated with Cartoon Network, Disney, Hub Network, Adult Swim or the likeliness of SNL-styled Sean Connery. Just to let you know.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 7: Justin, Rarity**** & Sean Connery  
**

For the god-awful seventh time, the Celebrity Jeopardy theme song had played yet again. A certain male model from Total Drama and a beautiful pony with a purple mane, white coat, and a diamond en-crusted cutie mark all stood alongside a certain Scottish thespian. Thinking about his life way too much, Alex Trebek managed to appear looking steady and ship-sharp.

"And welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy." Trebek grimly spoke, "I like to take the time to apologize to all black people who have been offended watching this program. For that, I'm sorry. Anyway, so let's take a look at the scores so far. Justin from the "Total Drama" series is in 1st place with $0... all because he spent the entire time looking at himself in the mirror."

The camera took their focus on the hot and handsome Justin, who posed for the audience. The rest of the fangirls all threw their panties at him at one time.

"What can I say, Trebek?" Justin shrugged at the host, "It hurts to be sexy."

"It hurts just like my career, Justin..." Trebek rolled his eyes, "Moving on. Rarity from 'My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic' is in 2nd place with $-34,000."

After focusing on Justin, the camera scrolled over to the beautiful Rarity, who looked breathless and stunning. The male bronies in the audience all went wild for this beautiful pony.

"I love how my hair looks on camera. It's so beautiful, I can't take my eyes off the lens, darling!" Rarity spoke gleefully.

"I wish somebody would take my eyes off my own sockets for being in this god-awful planet..." Trebek muttered before he got to the worst part of the show, "And finally... in 3rd place with $-140,000... oh good god, Sean Connery."

The camera shifted over to the cunning and all-so-deceptive Sean Connery. He was gonna have one hell of a field day with him.

"We meet again, sperm-stache!" Connery chuckled, "I just thought of something real funny, Trebek."

"Oh really? And what might that be, Sean?" Trebek said.

"The face your mother was making last night." Connery replied, laughing in the host's face.

Trebek felt a bit startled and unimpressed by Mr. Connery's comment.

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that..." Trebek groaned, "Let's move on to Double Jeopardy. The categories are... 'Potent Potables', 'Popular Video Game Titles', 'The Color Yellow', 'Smell Your Armpit, 'Sodas that end with 'Mountain Dew' and 'Things Trebek's Mother Likes To Suck'. Wait- what the hell?"

Trebek was shocked with the last category on the board. Sean Connery on the other hand, laughed like a hyena.

"I know all the answers to that one, Trebek..." Connery chuckled.

"Like I said, I'm ignoring you." Trebek responded back, "Anyway, Justin... since you're in 1st place, you choose a category."

Justin wasn't paying attention to what Trebek was saying to him. He was looking dreamy with his hair blowing in the wind. Every girl watching from the audience, including Rarity, all stared at him like a fangirl. Knowing that Justin didn't hear him, Trebek started to shout his name.

"JUSTIN!" Trebek screamed.

Still no answer. Even Rarity was so admired by his beauty.

"So hot and yet... so sexy!" Rarity said, being love-struck by the model herself.

Trebek felt like Justin and Rarity were useless at this point.

"Dear god, I hate my life..." Trebek groaned, "Well, since Justin is a useless bolt and Rarity's now attracted to a man-whore, I'll let Mr. Connery choose a category."

"Very pleasant of you, Trebek." Connery nodded, "I'll take Popular Video Game Titties for $800."

"Wha- no, Mr. Connery, it's pronounced 'Titles', not 'Titties'!" Trebek corrected him, "Anyway, 'Popular Video Game Titles' for $800. The answer is, 'Lara Croft stars in this video game entitled 'Tomb Raider'. I'll say it again: Tomb... Raider."

_***BUZZ!***_

"Mr. Connery?" Trebek replied.

"Lara Croft. She's got nice goodies." Connery smirked.

"Mr. Connery, that's wrong." Trebek said sternly, "Besides, it's 'titles' and not 'titties'. Just to let you know."

_***BUZZ!***_

"Rarity?" Trebek sighed.

But Rarity wasn't speaking out. He put her elbows on the podium and sighed in a dream-like state, still admiring Justin's beauty. He was flexing in front of her, and Rarity couldn't seem to get enough. Heck, the beautiful pony didn't realize her elbow hit the buzzer by mistake.

"I so want your baby, darling..." Rarity said to the male model.

"Good god..." Trebek groaned, rolling his eyes to death, "Anyone else have an answer? Justin?"

When Trebek turned to Justin, the male model was still flexing his muscles without a care in the world. However, this made the host more irritated.

In response, Trebek approached Justin's podium and grabbed a megaphone. Turning it on as loud as he can, Trebek shouted in Justin's ear.

"JUSTIN!" Trebek screamed.

Trebek's voice was so loud, it hurt Justin's eardrums painfully. Heck, even Justin had to shield his ears to stop the blood from leaking.

"Agh! My perfect eardrums!" Justin shouted in pain, "Why on earth did you do that, Trebek?"

"I wanted to see if you were braindead. And it's working quite well." Trebek chuckled, "Anyway, the correct answer is 'Tomb Raider'. Since Justin's nearly half-deaf and Rarity's mad at me for breaking up her little fantasy, let's move on to 'Mountain Dew' for $400.-"

_***BUZZ!***_

"What is it, Mr. Connery?" Trebek said to his arch-rival.

"I like to Mountain Dew your mother tonight!" Connery smirked.

Trebek felt a little bothered by Mr. Connery's little comment. He decided to shake off his nerves again.

"Like I said once before, I'm ignoring you, Mr. Connery." Trebek replied, before reading the clue, "Anyway, 'Mountain Dew' for $400. The answer is: 'This is the soda's catchphrase.' I'll give you an easy hint. It's 'Do The Blank'."

_***BUZZ!***_

"Rarity?" Trebek said to the violet-maned pony.

But once again, Rarity put her elbows on the podium and her hooves around his face, sighing at the sight of Justin's beauty yet again. And yet, she still buzzed on purpose.

"I so want Justin's junk inside me..." Rarity sighed.

Justin was used to Rarity admiring him. After all, Justin was a total stud. Chuckling at the way Rarity was staring at him with loving eyes, Justin turned to the host.

"Check this out, Trebek... even the girl ponies love me." Justin stated.

"That's wonderful, Justin... don't come near my studio again." Trebek groaned, "Since this is turning into a bore fest very quickly, let's move on to Final Jeopardy. The category is: 'Boys' names'. If you can write any name, as long as it's a boy's name. You will win."

Indicating the Final Jeopardy theme song now playing, Justin, Rarity and Sean Connery started writing right away. As they were writing, Trebek gave them a little hint talk.

"It's not that hard to do." Trebek replied, "You can write down names like Frank, Cody, J.T., Mark, Steve, Eddie, Carl, Danny, Jesse, or Joey. There's no way you can absolutely mess this up."

The theme song finally came to an end as the threesome put down their pens so that Alex Trebek could take a look at their answers and wagers. First off, Trebek decided to approach the male model.

"Well, then... I can only hope one of you managed to ass it up." Trebek stated, "Justin, you're pretty confident. Let's see which name you came up with."

_**Justin's answer: Jack**_

"Jack..." Trebek responded, smiling at Justin's answer, "Excellent answer, Justin! Despite looking like a retarded zombie throughout the whole game, actually got the correct answer."

"Maybe it was just luck!" Justin smiled back.

"Luck, indeed..." Trebek chuckled, "Let's see what you wagered."

_**Justin's wager: Mehoff**_

"MeHoff. Jack Mehoff..." Trebek spoke in confusion. He looked a little bothered to say the least.

Justin on the other hand, chuckled his Hawaiian butt off hearing that sick sexual name.

"Jack MeHoff? I don't get it." Trebek responded to Justin.

"I'd bet you do, Trebek..." Justin replied, "...but I wouldn't help you do that. I'm straight as an arrow, buddy."

"I don't know what you're talking about. Jack Mehoff? What is that- Oh, you know what, I don't want to know." Trebek said, finally coming to realization of what that name meant.

Trebek shook some nerves off of him before approaching Rarity's podium. Rarity was still a motionless lump, having to stare at Justin lovingly throughout the entire show.

"Let's move on to Rarity... who's still attracted to Justin like a ridden whore magnet. Let's see what Rarity came up with..."

_**Rarity's answer: Nothing.  
**_

"Nothing..." Trebek scowled a bit, "And your wager..."

_**Rarity's wager: Nothing.**_

"To hardly any surprise, nothing..." Trebek muttered bluntly.

For the fourth and perhaps umpteenth time, Rarity continued to stare at Justin motionally like a beautiful untouchable masterpiece.

"Ahhhhhh, he's so perfect than Spiky-Wikey..." Rarity sighed.

Trebek rolled his eyes in response, therefore leaving to approach Mr. Connery's podium.

"I don't know if you're beautiful or retarded, but you definitely need help..." Trebek said behind Rarity's back, "Finally, Sean Connery... the category is 'boys' names' and you managed to write down..."

_**Connery's answer: Alex Trebek  
**_

"Alex Trebek..." Trebek replied in surprise, "You really didn't have to include my last name on there, but nevertheless, you got it right. I'm very relieved Mr. Connery! Nice work!"

"Well..." Connery said, taking a brief pause, "You know me, Alex. I can be quite unexpected."

"Quite unexpected, you are Mr. Connery." Trebek spoke back, "Let's see what you wagered."

_**Connery's wager: Is A Huge Fart  
**_

Connery's wager was unexpected as well. Trebek looked a little startled, yet unimpressed by this little facade.

"Hahaha!" Trebek laughed in the host's face, "It really stinks to be number 2, huh, Trebek?"

Still feeling a bit bothered, Trebek ripped up his note cards in response.

"Can't believe I fell right into that..." Trebek muttered, facing the camera head-on, "Justin's the winner by $0, simply because he's a man-whore. That's all for Celebrity Jeopardy, I'm gonna try to stab myself with a butter knife. Good night."

Meanwhile, as Trebek was walking out of the studio a defeated man...

...back home at Ponyville, the baby dragon known as Spike was watching the whole thing on a small TV. He couldn't believe the words Rarity said about Justin being perfect. His anger was about to steam up.

"Oh, no she didn't!" Spike exclaimed in anger, "There's no way I'm gonna let Justin take away my Rarity like this! I'm gonna go to his house and burn his cock off!"

In response, Spike grabbed a notepad and wrote down his thoughts of what he wanted to do to the male model himself.

"Burn... Justin's... wiener off." Spike said to himself, writing down the whole thought on a pen, "Ha! I'll teach that man-whore what for..."

* * *

**Ooooh, I see Spike's got some competition in Justin. Interesting!  
**

**My apologies if Spike seemed a little OOC at the ending, but his little promise to Justin made me laugh, so it's alright.**

**Meanwhile, which characters will join Sean Connery in his quest to trash Alex Trebek next chapter? Find out soon enough! (;D)  
**


	8. Slappy, Riley Freeman and Sean Connery

**SNL Celebrity Jeopardy: The Cartoon Edition  
**

**Rated M**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Saturday Night Live, the Celebrity Jeopardy sketches or any cartoons associated with Cartoon Network, Disney, Hub Network, Adult Swim or the likeliness of SNL-styled Sean Connery. Just to let you know.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 8: Slappy Squirrel, Riley Freeman &**** Sean Connery  
**

Once again, the theme song to Celebrity Jeopardy had played for the eighth time yet again. This time, the lineup was weirder than ever. It was a grumpy gray squirrel with a green hat and a 9-year old black kid who thought he was gangsta with his cornrows. They soon joined Alex Trebek's hated arch-rival. The host himself stood proud, yet exhausted as the second round started to begin.

"Welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy." Trebek grimly spoke, "Before we go on to Double Jeopardy, I would like to take the time to apologize to everyone for the racial slurs that was heard in the program. With that, let's take a look at the scores so far. In 1st place with $-7,000... is Slappy Squirrel from 'Animaniacs'.

The camera caught their attention of Slappy Squirrel, who looked like her tough self.

"Kiss my butt, Trebek." taunted Slappy.

"Well, that's very friendly of you to say that, Miss Squirrel." Trebek groaned, "In 2nd place with $-10,000... is Riley Freeman from 'The Boondocks'.

After focusing on Slappy Squirrel, the camera scrolled over to Riley Freeman, who had a very competitive smirk on his face.

"That's right, n***a! You better represent me, Trebek! You better represent, ya n***a!" Riley blared out, taunting in the host's face.

"Well, once again, I apologize to all white people in advance for that ridiculous language you've just heard right now." Trebek reminded them again, "And last, but least... in 3rd place with $-200,000... please God help me... Sean Connery."

The camera finally turned their attention to the devious and cunning Sean Connery, Trebek's pain in the ass.

"Trebek! Nice to see you've gotten some sleep." Connery chuckled.

"I wish it would've been longer..." Trebek said.

"That's not what your mother said last night." Connery smirked, shoving the insult into Trebek's face.

"Let's not start with this right now..." Trebek rolled his eyes annoyingly, "Here are the categories for Double Jeopardy. They are... 'Potent Potables', 'Book Titles', 'Famous Bands that end with Erosmith', 'Is This Your Finger', 'Types of Nuts' and finally, 'Who Farted'. Slappy Squirrel, since you're in the lead, you choose a category. May I suggest 'Types of Nuts' for $400? After all, you are a squirrel."

"Nah..." Slappy said in refusal, "I'll take 'The Color Yellow' for $400."

"Slappy, that was a category in our last Celebrity Jeopardy." Trebek responded back, "It's not a category this time."

"Dang it..." Slappy muttered, "Can I go to the bathroom then? I gotta tinkle like a tooth fairy here..."

"Absolutely not." Trebek sternly stated, "You'll just have to wait until the show is over. Let's have Riley Freeman choose a category."

Riley was looking pumped and anticipated. He couldn't wait to show the rest of them what for.

"Okay, I choose 'Trebek is a bitch-ass n***a for $1,000,000!" Riley suggested.

"Riley, that really hurt..." Trebek said, feeling like he was about to cry, "You know what, I was wrong. I'll let Mr. Connery choose a category."

"Well... here I go again, Trebek." Connery smiled frantically, "I'll take 'Boob Titties' for $400!"

"Good god, Mr. Connery... it's 'Book Titles', not 'Boob Titties'!" Trebek said, correcting Mr. Connery angrily. "Anyway, 'Book Titles' for $400. The answer is, 'Gone with the _Blank_.' If one of you says the word 'wind', you get points."

_***BUZZ!***_

"Mr. Connery?" Trebek said.

"Gone with the Tits!" Connery guessed.

"Absolutely not, Mr. Connery." The host said with a scowl.

_***BUZZ!***_

"Riley Freeman?" Trebek said again.

And then out of nowhere, Riley drew out a real-life handgun.

"What is 'Gone with your bitch-ass'?" Riley shouted.

The 9 year old then shot his gun straight at Alex Trebek. The host looked fearful for his life, knowing that he would die of an immediate head-wound...

...

...

...but he opened his eyes to suddenly realize that he'd been shot in the head by a little green pellet. Trebek looked down at that little rubber bullet and looked mad. Riley on the other hand, was laughing his ass off.

"Hahahaha!" Riley said, laughing at Trebek's face. "You should've seen the look on your face when I shot ya, n***a! Man, was that priceless!"

"That wasn't funny, Riley." Trebek said in a startled mood. "You could've gave me a heart attack."

_***BUZZ!***_

"Slappy Squirrel?" Trebek groaned.

"Can I go to the bathroom?" Slappy suggested.

In response, Alex Trebek hit his head on the podium in utter stupidity. That was perhaps the fifth or sixth time that's happened to him right now.

"No, Slappy. Not even close." Trebek scowled at Slappy. "The correct answer is Gone With The Wind."

But before he could go any further, he was cut off by Slappy once again.

_***BUZZ!***_

"Good god, what is it Slappy?" Trebek groaned angrily.

"You're a slapnuts, Trebek!" Slappy shouted, flipping the host off because he wouldn't let her go to the bathroom.

"Thanks for that little gesture, Slappy..." Trebek said, rolling his eyes.

"You're welcome, Sajak." Slappy nodded, "Now can I go to the bathroom?"

"I'm Alex Trebek and no, you may not." Trebek scowled back, "Anyway, let's move on to 'Types of Nuts' for $400. The answer is: Planters makes these kinds of nuts.'

_***BUZZ!***_

"Mr. Connery?" Trebek said.

"What are deez nuts, Trebek!" Connery smirked, doing a pelvic thrust right at the host's face.

Trebek looked a little bothered and yet agitated that Connery would tease him like that.

"Those aren't the nuts I was talking about, Mr. Connery." Trebek said in a blank mood.

"Ohhhh, don't be surprised, Trebek!" Sean Connery chuckled, "Your mother's always crazy for nuts. She loves them salty and tangy, Alex!"

"I hate you so much..." Trebek muttered to Connery.

_***BUZZ!***_

"Riley Freeman? You got an answer?" asked the host.

"Suck my balls, n***a!" Riley shouted out, taunting Trebek with another pelvic thrust.

"No Riley, that's wrong. Really wrong, as a matter of fact..." Trebek shuddered.

_***BUZZ!***_

"Slappy Squirrel?" Trebek said, hearing Slappy buzz in.

"I wanna go to the bathroom..." guessed Slappy.

This was another useless round. Alex Trebek hit his head on the podium again. He had given up on all three because Slappy kept thinking about going to the bathroom, Riley was thinking useless way to kill Trebek like a fish, and Sean Connery was thinking either about boobs or nuts.

"Ohhhh, dear lord..." Trebek groaned in agony, "Okay, since this is starting to waste my time, let's just go on to Final Jeopardy. The category is: 'What Is Your Last Name'. If you can manage to write down your last name, you will win."

The Final Jeopardy theme song blared throughout the studio as Slappy, Riley and Sean Connery started writing on their podiums immediately.

"It's very easy to do and you cannot mess this up." Trebek said, talking through the intermission. "Just write down your last name, wherever it's Squirrel, Freeman, or especially Connery. I know you can do this..."

The theme song finally ended as the trio set their pens down so that the host would take a look at their work. Trebek decided to approach Slappy's podium first.

"Well, let's hope a miracle's in place, shall we?" Trebek stated, "Slappy, we'll start with you. You wrote down..."

_**Slappy's answer: Trebek**_

"Trebek..." Trebek scowled a bit. "How very unsurprising. I already told you to write down your last name, and you got it wrong. Why am I not surprised."

"What can I say? I ran out of time." Slappy exclaimed

"That explains it..." Trebek chuckled, "Let's see what Slappy managed to wager..."

_**Slappy's wager: Look down your leg  
**_

Looking at the wager, Trebek looked down his pantleg...

...and was shocked that Slappy was relieving herself across Trebek's slacks. Trebek looked horrified and shook the rest of the squirrel urine off.

"Slappy!" Trebek exclaimed, "What on earth are you doing to my leg? That's inappropriate for a family show!"

"If only if you let me go to the bathroom, then I wouldn't have to piss all ova your leg!" Slappy shot back on the offense.

In the process, Trebek took a towel from the backstage producers and managed to wipe the rest of the urine off his leg, before leaving Slappy's podium.

"Well, curse my studio habits, then..." Trebek muttered at Slappy before taking his attention to Riley, "Riley. Let's see if you came up with 'Freeman'..."

_**Riley's answer: Trebek**_

"And of course, you wrote my name..." Trebek said in utter surprise, "That too is also wrong."

"Nobody tells Riley Freeman what to do, especially from a racist white n***a from you! Go back to KKK if ya can!" Riley snapped yet again.

"Okay, I'll make sure to do that..." Trebek muttered once again, "Let's see your wager..."

_**Riley's wager: Look above your head, N***a**_

"Look above my head" Trebek raised an eyebrow.

He looked upon his head...

...only for Riley to shoot a fake rubber bullet right across his face! Trebek went down like a rock when the velocity of the rubber bullet struck his nervous system. It wasn't deadly like a real bullet, but it had enough firepower to knock him silly.

Trebek dusted himself off and stared at Riley viciously as the 9 year old kept laughing his butt off.

"HAHAHAHA! You so fell for it again! You n***a is crazy!" Riley laughed.

"I see you get a kick out of this. I wish I should've been dead for real..." Trebek muttered.

After Trebek rubbed his head in pain, he scowled at Riley before moving on to his arch-rival's podium.

"Okay, Mr. Connery..." Trebek briefly paused, "The category is 'What Is Your Last Name'. Let's see if you got it down..."

_**Connery's answer: Connery  
**_

"Connery..." Trebek said with glee, "You actually got it right! Your last name is Connery! Mr. Connery, I don't know what to say!"

In anticipation, Trebek shook Sean Connery's hand. Finally, someone who pays attention actually got a right answer.

"All it takes is patience and concentration, Alex." Connery smiled, nodding quite gently.

"Indeed, and that's why you're always correct." Trebek nodded once again, "Enough about that... let's see what Sean wagered."

_**Connery's wager: F**ked Trebek's Mother  
**_

Once again for the umpteenth time, Alex Trebek was uttered speechless at the wager. Sean Connery made a fool out of Trebek once more.

"Hahahahahaha!" Connery laughed.

Truth be told, Trebek didn't laugh one bit. He was pissed off like an angry bull could ever be.

"Well, you're definitely a pain in the ass if I ever saw one, Mr. Connery..." Trebek muttered at Connery angrily.

"Pain in the ass? Your mother definitely felt the same thing last night!" Connery taunted him again, much to Trebek's misery.

Trebek felt a bit startled again because of that insult and image that popped up in his brain. He decided to end things from here once again.

"Well, that's all for Celebrity Jeopardy. I'm gonna smash my head through the car window right now. Good day." Trebek said to the camera before leaving the studio a defeated man.

* * *

**Yeouch! Hard to believe that hit close to home. But alas, the humiliation continues for Trebek at the next chapter. Which two characters will once again join Sean Connery for the misery? Until then, peace!**

**Oh, and Happy Halloween as well! (;D)**


	9. Patrick, Homer Simpson and Sean Connery

**SNL Celebrity Jeopardy: The Cartoon Edition  
**

**Rated M**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Saturday Night Live, the Celebrity Jeopardy sketches or any cartoons associated with Cartoon Network, Disney, Hub Network, Adult Swim or the likeliness of SNL-styled Sean Connery. Just to let you know.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 9: Patrick Star, Homer Simpson &**** Sean Connery  
**

For the excruciating ninth time, the Celebrity Jeopardy theme song played yet again. A starfish with boxer shorts and a yellow-skinned drunk joined a certain Scottish thespian this time around.. Thinking second thoughts of his life, Alex Trebek stood with a straight face as he welcomed everyone from the break.

"And welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy..." Trebek muttered, "I sincerely apologize to everyone watching at home for the severely anal bleeding that was poured around a good portion of the studio. With that being dealt with, let's take a look at the scores. Patrick Star from 'Spongebob Squarepants' is in 1st place with -6,000."

The camera got a glimpse of Patrick Star, who looked a bit dazed and confused.

"I'll have Nachos for $4, please..." Patrick said into the microphone.

"Mr. Star, Nachos is not one of the categories." Trebek muttered.

"Oh... well, can I have peanuts for $4, please? Thank you!" Patrick responded, smiling right at the host.

Trebek looked a bit bothered by Patrick's sudden case of stupidity.

"No, you may not." Trebek scowled back, "Moving on. Homer Simpson from 'The Simpsons' is in 2nd place with $-10,000."

The camera took their attention off of the lazy starfish for a minute to glimpse at Homer Simpson. Unfortunately, he was moving side to side while his vision looked a little bit cross-eyed.

"It... It's good to be here, Regis!" Homer said, speaking and slurring like a drunk.

"Mr. Simpson, I'm Alex Trebek, not Regis Philbin." Trebek corrected him, "Are you drunk?"

"I'M NOT SOBER! WHOO-HOO!" Homer hollered out.

"Well, good to know, Mr. Simpson..." Trebek nodded, right before he was getting to the worst part of the show, "And finally... in last place with a cringing $-58,000... and I hope this is for the last time... Sean Connery."

The camera finally got a glimpse of Sean Connery, who looked much more dapper in an Armani suit. With that evil smirk on his face, who knew what Connery had in store for the pitiful Jeopardy host.

"We meet once again, ya bearded monkey!" Connery laughed.

"Let's just make this quick, okay?" Trebek said.

Connery then decided to speak out, "That's not-."

"I know, 'That's not what my mother said last night', I get the feeling already..." Trebek said, cutting Sean Connery off at the last moment. "Let's see the categories for Double Jeopardy. They are... 'Potent Potables', 'Types of Pickles', 'Famous Grand Prix' - which it's a category about famous racing events, 'Are You Retarded', 'Pick Your Nose' and finally, 'Current Underwater Characters'. Patrick Star, since you have the lead, you begin. Why don't you choose 'Current Underwater Characters' for $400?"

"Nope..." Patrick replied, "I'll have Nachos for $4."

"Patrick, for the last time, Nachos is not a category." Trebek spoke back sternly.

"Darn!" Patrick exclaimed out of disappointment, "Can I have peanuts then?"

In response, Trebek smacked his own forehead in utter stupidity. Was Patrick always this stupid, thinking about food more than the game itself?

After shaking those nerves off, Trebek turned to Homer Simpson, "You know, let's skip Patrick and go right to Homer Simpson."

"I'll t-take $400 on that n-new car, Bob!" Homer slurred yet again.

"Mr. Simpson, this is 'Celebrity Jeopardy', not the 'Price Is Right'..." Trebek muttered, "Please choose a category?"

"O-okay..." Homer slurred, "Give me Nachos for $400!"

Once again, Trebek hit his forehead in shame. Just how many people like Patrick and Homer does he have to deal with for the remainder of the show?

"Way to disappoint me, Mr. Simpson..." Trebek said, scowling in anger, "Let's let Mr. Connery choose a category. That way it'll make things easier."

"It's about time, Mr. Trebek." Sean Connery smirked evilly, "I'll take 'Famous Grand Pricks' for $400."

"Oh, here we go again..." Trebek said, rolling his eyes in a frustrating way. "Mr. Connery, it's 'Famous Grand Prix', not 'Famous Grand _Pricks_'! Anyway, 'Famous Grand Prix' for $400. The answer is: This race takes place in Daytona and it's a NASCAR event."

_***BUZZ!***_

"Patrick Star?" Trebek said.

Patrick was gonna answer at one point, but his brain farted out on him at the last second.

"I forgot..." Patrick spoke back.

"How wonderful." The host angrily muttered.

_***BUZZ!***_

"Homer Simpson?" Trebek said to Homer.

"$2,250!" Homer drunkenly shouted out.

Yet again, Trebek couldn't help but stare hatefully at a drunken Homer Simpson.

"Mr. Simpson..." Trebek said, nearly losing his cool. "It's Celebrity Jeopardy, not Price Is Right!"

_***BUZZ!***_

"Mr, Connery?" Trebek groaned.

"Your mother." Connery smirked

"No, Mr. Connery. My mother doesn't count..." Trebek growled hatefully.

"Why not? Your mother loves a good ride! She always gives everyone a _ride_, if you know what I mean!" Connery taunted, laughing at Trebek's face yet again.

Trebek was losing his cool with these trio of contestants, especially if the trio includes a retarded Patrick, a drunk Homer Simpson, and a sex crazed Sean Connery, who was still laughing his hearty butt off.

"I hate all of you so much..." Trebek muttered, "The correct answer was the 'Daytona 500'. But since you wanna act like retarded plants so much, I'll choose a category for you. How about 'Types of Pickles' for $800? The answer is: 'This type of pickle is called the 'Dill' pickle'. If one of you says the word 'Dill', you will get points."

_***BUZZ!***_

"Patrick Star?" Trebek groaned.

"I'll have Nachos, please. I'm getting kinda hungry..." Patrick smiled.

Trebek groaned in misery yet again. He was growing frustrated and tired with Patrick's obsession of Nachos, so he decided to give up entirely.

"Good god, can somebody get this retarded pink starfish some nachos?" Trebek shouted around the whole studio angrily.

Finally, one of the backstage personnel came out with a tray of cheesy nachos, and placed them in front of Patrick's podium.

Patrick, looking very hungry, licked his lips and started digging in. He was murdering the entire tray of nachos with his bear trap teeth, even though he really didn't have any teeth resembling a deadly trap used for hunting. Trebek looked very bothered by Patrick's eating habits.

"Are you happy now...?" Trebek groaned.

"I'm pleeved! Thank youff!" Patrick said with his mouth full.

_***BUZZ!***_

"Homer Simpson?" Trebek said.

"I'll... I'll have peanuts for $4!" Homer slurred yet again.

Trebek looked mad and angry as ever. This was definitely the most retarded trio that he'd ever done out of everyone who competed.

"No. Nobody's getting anything! This is a game show, not a fucking snack bar!" Trebek shouted out

"Mmmmmm... peanuts..." Homer said in a dazed expression.

"Yep. You're definitely drunk..." Trebek muttered again, "Can anyone else give me an answer!?"

_***BUZZ!***_

"Mr. Connery?" Asked the host.

"I got a pickle to show you, Trebek!" Connery smirked, trying to zip down his pants and flash the host.

Luckily, Alex Trebek managed to stop him in time before he could do something so foolish.

"Mr. Connery, let's not do this again..." Trebek shuddered, "I already know what you're going to show me, and quite frankly, those aren't the pickles I'm talking about."

"Aw, come on Trebek! Your mother's crazy for pickles, especially a firm erect one like mine!" Connery laughed once again.

With all those insults thrown at him, Trebek wanted to punch that moustache off of Connery's face so badly.

"How beautiful of you to say that, Mr. Connery..." Trebek growled yet again, "Let's just skip over to Final Jeopardy, shall we? The final category is 'Street Signs'. If you can draw any kind of street sign, you win automatically.

As the Final Jeopardy theme song started to play, Patrick, Homer and Sean Connery immediately took their pens and started writing.

"It's not very hard everyone." Trebek said, speaking around the entire song. "You can write 'Go', or 'Stop', or perhaps draw your road address, that way it makes things more easier. Remember, it must be a street sign."

The theme song finally came to an end as the trio put down their pens, waiting for Trebek to check out their answers and wagers. The host decided to see Patrick's work first.

"Before I rethink my life altogether, let's see what Patrick managed to write down, shall we?" Trebek said, looking down at Patrick's answer.

_**Patrick's answer: A smidge of nacho cheese sauce splattering all around the podium.  
**_

"You managed to spill the rest of the cheese sauce on your podium." Trebek said to the starfish in an unimpressed tone.

"I don't know how to write good." Patrick admitted to the host, which explained why he didn't write anything down.

"I knew it, you're retarded..." Trebek muttered at the starfish.

The host then decided to check on Homer Simpson, who was about to fall asleep instaneously, "Homer Simpson seems to have almost fallen asleep entirely. Let's see what he wrote down..."

**_Homer's answer: Just a bunch of scribbles_**

"...and it looks like Homer scribbled around the podium." Trebek said in stunned silence.

"I b-bet you can guess what... what it is." Homer slurred again for the sixth time.

"I'm stumped." Trebek sighed, "What is it?"

"PASGHETTI!" Homer drunkenly shouted, as if he was trying to say 'Spaghetti'!

And then, just like a rock, Homer fell right to the floor. Trebek felt a whole lot startled by Homer's drunken behavior. Maybe he had too much Duff beers before the show began. It was so typical of Homer Simpson, himself.

"Yep, he's definitely drunk..." Trebek muttered once again, passing through Homer's podium.

But now came the nightmare. In the form of Sean Connery himself. Who knew what horror awaited Alex Trebek.

"Okay, Mr. Connery... I'm very certain that you put down a street sign..." Trebek sighed, embracing for the worst to happen.

_**Connery's answer: Go  
**_

"Go." Trebek said, reading the answer out loud.

In the process, he proudly congratulated Mr. Connery for his winning efforts.

"You actually put something down, Mr. Connery! And it's the right answer!" Trebek exclaimed, shaking Mr. Connery's hand, "How do you do it, Sean?"

"I don't know, Trebek. Must be luck!" Connery smirked.

"It definitely is luck!" Trebek happily spoke, "Let's see what Mr. Connery wagered, shall we?

_**Connery's wager: F**k Yourself  
**_

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Connery laughed boisterously.

Alex Trebek was once again for the 23rd time, humiliated and ashamed by the hands of Sean Connery himself.

"I can't believe I got played again..." Trebek said, feeling bothered once more, "Why must you always torture me like this?"

"Because I hate ya, Trebek!" Connery laughed at him again.

Making his arch-rival's opinion of him clear, Trebek decided to sign off like he would usually do: A defeated man.

"Makes sense to me..." Trebek sighed in agony, "That's all for Celebrity Jeopardy. I'm gonna drink myself to death. Good night."

* * *

**Geez, with those stupid answers, the host is gonna want to kill himself someday.**

**Now that we're done with Patrick and Homer, who else will join Sean Connery in Trebek's torment. I already got the contestants planned for the next chapter, so you know what to do! (;D)**


	10. Geoff, Brian Griffin and Sean Connery

**SNL Celebrity Jeopardy: The Cartoon Edition**

**Rated M**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Saturday Night Live, the Celebrity Jeopardy sketches or any cartoons associated with Cartoon Network, Disney, Hub Network, Adult Swim or the likeliness of SNL-styled Sean Connery. Just to let you know.**

* * *

**Chapter 10: Geoff, Brian Griffin &**** Sean Connery  
**

Yet once again, the Celebrity Jeopardy theme song played for the cringing tenth time. This episode's guests included a certain party boy from Total Drama and a white dog with a red collar around his neck. Not to forget a villainous bearded thespian. Alex Trebek, looking a bit weary, shook off his nerves and welcomed everyone watching back for the second round.

"Welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy..." Trebek muttered, "We got a real slobberknocker on our hands here, so let's take a look at the scores. In 1st place with $-5,000... is Geoff from "Total Drama".

The camera scrolled over to the party boy himself, who looked pumped and crazed.

"Whoo-hoo! Feels great to be here, Alex!" Geoff shouted out in victory, "Before I begin, I want to get out a shoutout to my friends watching at home! I dedicate this victory to Bridgette, D.J., Duncan, Owen, Courtney, Gwen, Trent, Cody, Harold, Katie, Sadie, LeShawna, Izzy, Noah, Eva, Zeke, Lindsay, Heather, Justin, Tyler-"

"Okay, Geoff, that's far enough..." Trebek sighed.

"Wait, I'm not done yet, Trebek." Geoff stopped the host for a minute.

Basically, Geoff wasn't done dedicating yet, "I also want to dedicate this to my dad, my mom, my family, my friends, my girlfriend, my other girlfriend, my coke dealer, my female sex slaves-"

"ENOUGH!" Trebek shouted, finally putting an end to Geoff's long list of shoutouts, "Like I said, that's far enough, Geoff. Moving on though, in 2nd place with $-9,000... is Brian Griffin from "Family Guy".

After taking a long look at Geoff, the camera scrolled over to Brian Griffin, who was busy holding a martini in his hand. The glass looked almost half-empty.

"Hey, Trebek! Whose leg you have to hump to get a dry martini around this studio?!" Brian replied to the host.

"Mr. Griffin, you can't drink in the middle of the show." Trebek reminded him.

Doing what he was told, Brian angrily threw the glass away, breaking it to pieces.

"Such a stupid bar I've gone to..." Brian muttered behind Trebek's back.

"Thank you." Trebek nodded, "And in last place with $-190,000... dear god... Sean Connery."

Last but not least, the camera got a good look of Trebek's arch-rival Sean Connery. Who knew what was lurking inside the mind of his.

"Good to be here once again, Trebek. How did you enjoy your nap?" Connery replied.

"Too long, to be exact..." Trebek said.

"Too long, huh? Your mother sure likes things that are long!" Connery chuckled, nearly starting a riot between him and Trebek.

"Let's not start this already, I'm already tired enough as it is..." Trebek sighed yet again, "Here are the categories for Double Jeopardy. They are... 'Potent Potables', 'Bangkok', 'Are You Deaf', 'Famous Muppet Pigs', 'Smell Your Butt' and finally, 'Pot'. You choose this category, you get the points and I smoke a joint. Geoff, you get to choose, since you're in the lead."

"Okay, I choose to make out with my girlfriend!" Geoff exclaimed.

And then out of the audience, Geoff's girlfriend Bridgette, approached her boyfriend's podium and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Oh, Geoffy... that's so right!" Bridgette said, feeling love-struck like a puppy.

"You know it is, babe! WHOO-HOO!" Geoff shouted out.

And before anyone knew it, Bridgette and Geoff were making out on top of Geoff's podium. The rest of the audience hootered and hollered because of this hot scene witnessing before them.

"Well, that definitely was a waste of time..." Trebek sighed, "You know, let's go right ahead to Brian Griffin."

"I'd like a Harvey Wallbanger, please." Brian replied.

"Mr. Griffin, this is a game show, not a bar!" Trebek whined in anger, "If you're fascinated about booze, try choosing 'Potent Potables'!"

"Is that like potatoes or something?" Brian raised an eyebrow.

Trebek took a very deep sigh. Brian was definitely useless, just like Geoff. So far, the two-some, except Sean Connery, were plain useless as it is.

"Ohhhhh-kay..." Trebek cringed, "Mr. Connery, I guess you choose then."

"How mighty generous of you, Alex..." Connery smiled, "I'll take Bang Cock for $400."

"Oh, geez..." Trebek sighed stressfully, "Mr. Connery, that's pronounced 'Bangkok', not 'Bang Cock'! Anyway, 'Bangkok' for $400. The answer is: 'Bangkok is located in this Asian country'. A little hint players, it sounds like 'Highland."

_***BUZZ!***_

"Mr. Connery?" Trebek said.

"TERA PATRICK!" Connery shouted out.

"Mr. Connery, that's wrong." Trebek angrily fumed.

"Don't be negative, Alex! We all know I like to bang my cock in her!" Connery laughed heartily.

"Good god, someone kill me now." Trebek said to himself, rolling his eyes in the process.

_***BUZZ!***_

"Brian Griffin?" Trebek said.

"An asian hooker." Brian replied.

"No Brian, not even close enough..." Trebek fumed yet again, "We're talking about a country, not hot babes. Can someone give me an answer?"

_***BUZZ!***_

"Geoff?" Trebek groaned.

Geoff wasn't paying attention to what was going on. He was still in his makeout session with his girlfriend, Bridgette. Suddenly, Bridgette accidentally pressed the buzzer with her elbow, forcing to buzz in prematurely.

Knowing that the party boy wasn't responding very well, Trebek decided to ask him again, but this time, he raised his voice so that Geoff can hear.

"GEOFF!" Trebek shouted.

But it was still no use, Geoff's tongue was all over Bridgette's mouth like an electric eel. The timer buzzed out on him and yet he didn't even know it.

"I don't think making out with your girlfriend is a positive answer." Trebek groaned, "The correct answer is 'Thailand'. Since you're both useless like puppets, I'll choose for you. How about 'Famous Muppet Pigs' for $400? The answer is: 'This is the only Muppet pig in the Muppets'."

_***BUZZ!***_

"Mr. Connery?" Trebek groaned.

"What is your mother?" Connery replied, "You know how much she loves to squeal during sex!"

Trebek let out one painful groan. That was like the thousandth time Connery offended him about his mother.

"No, Mr. Connery... my mother doesn't count. So stay off of her." Trebek angrily reminded him.

_***BUZZ!***_

"Brian Griffin?" Trebek said.

"What is Alex Trebek's mom?" Brian responded,

Trebek started to feel mad like a vicious serial killer. First, Sean Connery was making fun of his mother, and now Brian Griffin? What on earth is going on?

"Mr. Griffin, that is also wrong." Trebek groaned, "Okay, since you're all starting to piss me off, I'll give you one final clue. It's Miss Piggy! If one of you says 'Miss Piggy', then you automatically win."

Trebek looked around to Geoff, who was nowhere to be seen, but he was hiding under the podium with Bridgette doing god-knows-what. In the process, Bridgette's bra was flown out of sight. With all the moaning and the groaning, everyone watching at home knew what this hot spectacle was.

"Oh, Geoff! You're the best, baby! Ohhhhhh...!" Bridgette moaned sexually.

The host hit his head on the podium, damning himself for being born on this earth. This row of contestants couldn't think of anything except booze and sex. And Alex Trebek's mom being labeled a pig. It was time for Alex Trebek to end this right now.

"Oh, good god..." Trebek groaned, "Let's just screw this and go right to Final Jeopardy. The category is 'Weapons'. Just draw any weapon you want to kill me with! Write them down! NOW!"

The Final Jeopardy theme song come on once again as Brian Griffin and Sean Connery grabbed their pens and started writing immediately. Geoff on the other hand, didn't seem to care about the game anymore. He was fixated on making out with Bridgette non-stop.

"Remember, you can draw any kind of weapon." Trebek gritted his teeth madly.. "You can draw a gun, a knife, an axe, an AK-47, a shotgun, it doesn't matter! Just draw anything so I can say goodbye to this cruel world forever!"

The theme song came to a close as Brian and Mr. Conners put down their pens so that their answers and wagers can finally be checked. Alex Trebek decided to approach Geoff's podium, but seeing the way he and Bridgette made out like animals, he barely put anything down for an answer.

"Okay, Geoff... we'll start with-"

But before Trebek could speak any further, Bridgette popped out of Geoff's podium with her boyfriend's shirt on.

"Thanks for that quickie, Geoffy. You satisfy me to no end." Bridgette winked to her boyfriend as she finally left the set.

"Glad I can help, babe!" Geoff spoke out to her.

And then finally, Geoff managed to focus on the host for once, "Okay, Trebek! I'm ready to play for real now."

"Geoff, the game's already over. You're too late." Trebek reminded him.

Hearing this news from the host himself, Geoff felt a bit angry that he didn't get a chance to play the entire second round. All because he was making out with Bridgette of all people.

"You suck, dude..." Geoff snarled at Trebek, "I'm going to Wheel of Fortune. They have better air conditioning than this shit dump."

In response, Geoff left the Jeopardy set with his girlfriend in hand, never to be seen again.

"Well, that's very flattering of Geoff to say that..." Trebek muttered before heading over to Brian's podium, "Brian Griffin seems pretty confident. Did he put down a weapon?"

_**Brian's answer: I'm drunk  
**_

"You managed to write down, 'I'm drunk'." Trebek muttered once again, "I told you to write down a weapon, and you managed to get it wrong. Very surprising."

"YAHTZEE!" Brian drunkenly shouted.

In an instant, Brian Griffin slumped down to the floor and fell asleep. That was like the second time somebody fainted in the middle of a game. Must be a new record.

"Yep, I'm skipping his wager for that..." The host spoke with uselessness.

But now, the fun part was about to begin. With nervousness in his heart, Trebek approached Mr. Connery's podium.

"All right, Mr. Connery. The topic is weapons... let's see what you came up with." Trebek sighed, fearing for the worst yet again.

_**Connery's answer: A picture of a magnum.  
**_

"It's a magnum." Trebek said, seeing the picture with his own eyes, "Quite frankly, a Magnum is a gun, which counts as a weapon! Sean Connery, you managed to answer correctly once again! After all, you definitely have a way with guns considering you played James Bond."

"I definitely do, Trebek. A man must always polish his trigger every once in a while." Connery admitted with a gentle nod.

"Yes, it's definitely true, Mr. Connery!" Trebek smiled back, "Let's see what you wagered."

_**Connery's wager: A picture of Alex Trebek getting shot.  
**_

To no surprise, Alex Trebek looked speechless. Somehow, he must've been psychic concering the clue was to draw any kind of weapon to kill the host with. Sean Connery shared another hearty chuckle concerning Trebek's utter reaction.

"Well, to no surprise, Mr. Connery drew a wager of me getting shot in the head." Trebek sighed.

Sean Connery, still laughing his butt off, decided to rub it in Trebek's face, "It's what I planned to do-"

"'After you had sex with my mother last night', I know how it goes, Mr. Connery..." Trebek sighed, cutting him off respectfully, "That's all the time we have, I'm gonna bury my head in the pillow and suffocate myself. Good night."

And at last, for the 24th godawful time, Trebek walked out of the set a defeated man. Talk about utter defeat.

* * *

**Man, when will Trebek get a break from all of this crap?  
**

**Maybe never? Because the torment continues next chapter? I got another set of contestants lined up, so you know what to do from here! Later! (;D)**


	11. Jude Lizowski, Beavis & Sean Connery

**SNL Celebrity Jeopardy: The Cartoon Edition**

**Rated M**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Saturday Night Live, the Celebrity Jeopardy sketches or any cartoons associated with Cartoon Network, Disney, Hub Network, Adult Swim or the likeliness of SNL-styled Sean Connery. Just to let you know.**

* * *

**Chapter 11: Jude Lizowski, Beavis &**** Sean Connery  
**

For the painfully eleventh time, the Celebrity Jeopardy song played yet again. This time, the guests included a skater boy with blonde hair and a black head cap, alongside a from Total Drama and a white dog with a red collar around his neck. Not to forget a villainous bearded thespian. Alex Trebek, who felt a little tired, managed to keep his head straight for the time being.

"And welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy..." Trebek sighed, "Because of what happened during the commercial, I like to remind everyone that we will no longer be serving lemonade from Mr. Connery's pants. That was very disgusting and gut0wrenching to see from my point of view. Nevertheless, let's get to the scores. Jude Lizowski from 6teen is at 1st place with an astonishing $1."

The camera got a good look at Jude, who was looking like his laid-back self.

"Great party were having, Alex!" Jude shouted out erratically, "I even found some pot in the green room. Smoked a lot of it, brah!"

"Yeah, I sorta knew that from the look in your eyes." Trebek muttered, "Moving on... Beavis from 'Beavis and ButtHead" is in 2nd place with -$6,000."

The camera then scrolled right over to Beavis, who was laughing evilly like a nut.

"Hehehehehehe... hey, buttwipe!" Beavis laughed, "When do we get the free food? Hehehehehehe..."

"You already had enough chocolate to eat during the break. I think that's enough for now..." Trebek replied, trying his darnedest to calm down Beavis.

"No! Nothing is enough! Hehehehehe!" Beavis laughed again, "I want more chocolate! Chocolate is mine, butthole!"

In response, Beavis left his podium, only to find a bowl of chocolates sitting next to the set. Just like a wild madman, Beavis took a nose dive on that clear glass bowl of dark chocolate and scrumped them down to his throat. He was massacring every chocolate morsel that mashed in through his teeth. He was almost like Jaws, but with bear-trap teeth.

To be honest, Trebek was a little bit disturbed by Beavis's eating habits.

"Well, that's a cry for help if I ever saw one..." Trebek heavily cringed, "And in last place with a whopping $40,000... and I hope this is the last time he competes... Sean Connery."

The camera then got a glimpse of Alex Trebek's evil arch-rival, Sean Connery. This day was about to get better and better,

"We meet yet again, Alex." Connery replied.

"Let's make it short." Trebek nodded, "And don't even dare try to make a mom joke out of that, Mr. Connery, because I know it's gonna end with something about sleeping with my mom. But enough of that, let's go on to Final Jeopardy. The categories are... 'Potent Potables', 'Bands that start with Van Halen', 'Kool-Aid Flavors', 'Do You Have To Poop', 'Name This Kitchen Accessory', and finally, 'Gaylord Focker' - in which the category is named after Ben Stiller's movie character from 'Meet The Parents'."

"I fockered your mother last night!" Connery shouted out, right before he laughed in the host's face.

Trebek was angered by that little comment coming from his arch enemy.

"Okay, that was a low blow there, Mr. Connery." Trebek growled angrily at Mr. Connery, "Okay, Jude... since you're in the lead, why don't you choose a category."

"All right. Give me 'Bands that start with The Beatles' for $400, brah." Jude smiled to the host.

"Jude, it's 'Bands that start with Van Halen', not 'Beatles'." Trebek corrected him nicely.

"I don't know who Van Halen is, brah." Jude whined, "Is that some sort of skateboard? Because if it is, I want to ride on it."

Yet again, Trebek felt annoyed at Jude's drug-like behavior.

"I can't believe you don't know who Van Halen is. You definitely are retarded..." Trebek muttered, "Anyway, let's see if Beavis wants to choose."

Beavis on the other hand, wasn't paying attention to the game. He was still backstage, chowing down on more chocolate. With his eating habits, he ate more like a total savage.

"It's mine, asswipe! The chocolates are all mine! Hehehehehehehe!" Beavis laughed insanely, shoving more chocolate down his throat. Trebek sighed to himself. This was exactly gonna be a long day.

"Nice to share that with us, Beavis..." Trebek rolled his eyes, "You know what? Why don't I choose a category? How about "Kool-Aid Flavors" for $400. The answer is: This famous Kool-Aid flavor rhymes with 'Semonade'."

_***BUZZ!***_

"Mr. Lizowski?" Trebek said.

"What is semonade?" Jude guessed. Unfortunately, he got it wrong.

"Not exactly, Jude..." Trebek muttered.

But Connery on the other hand, laughed his hearty butt off. Trebek couldn't understand what was funny about it.

"I don't get it, Mr. Connery." Trebek spoke in confusion, "What's so funny?"

"Jude said 'Semen'!" Connery shouted, pointing to Jude for that little joke.

"I hate you to holy hell, Mr. Connery..." Trebek muttered again.

_***BUZZ!***_

"Beavis?" Trebek said.

Beavis buzzed in alright, but from Trebek's point of view, Beavis wasn't quite himself.

The chocolates he indulged made Beavis's entire body shake with anticipation. He shook himself so much, that he pulled the back of his shirt around his head and transformed himself into his crazy erratic alter ego known as...

"RAAAAAGH! I'M THE GREAT CORNHOLIO! I MUST GET T.P. FOR MY BUNGHOLE!" Cornholio shouted like a sugar-crazed idiot would do.

"I don't know what to say about that..." Trebek said, feeling a little bit speechless of Beavis's behavior.

"Give me all your T.P.!" Cornholio shouted once again.

But unfortunately, Beavis (or Cornholio) didn't realize that the timer sounded off on him.

"I would, Mr. Cornholio... but unfortunately, time's up." Trebek uttered out in safety, "The correct answer is 'Lemonade'. Since this is getting boring pretty fast, I'll choose another category for you. How about 'Name This Kitchen Accessory' for $400?"

To follow up with the clue, Alex Trebek held up an egg beater in his right hand so that all the contestants could see.

The host then decided to give them a little hint, "This object is used to beat eggs."

_***BUZZ!***_

"Jude Lizowski?"

Jude was too blurred to even see the object from Trebek's hand. So he decided to lean forward on his podium just so he could get a closer look, even squinting his eyes on the process.

"C'mon, Jude. All you have to do is to say 'Beater', and you get the points." Trebek reminded him again.

After closing in and out of the object, Jude finally decided to answer.

"What is Caitlin?" Jude guessed.

"Good god, you must be high..." Trebek groaned.

***BUZZ***

"The Great Cornholio...?" Trebek moaned in agony.

"IT'S T.P.!" Cornholio shouted yet again, "GIVE ME YOUR T.P.! MY BUNGHOLE SHALL NOT WAIT!"

Trebek looked a little mad. Both Jude and Cornholio were even more retarded than a sex-crazed Mr. Connery.

"Absolutely not, Cornholio." Trebek heavily fumed.

_***BUZZ!***_

"Mr. Connery?" Trebek replied.

Just like Jude, Sean Connery took a good closeup on the object himself.

"What is that you've got holding in your hand, Trebek?" Connery said, squinting his eyes.

"It's an egg beater. You say 'egg beater' and you get points Mr. Connery. It's that simple." Trebek reminded him.

"I 'beat' myself every time I think about your mother! How's that?" Connery chuckled right in Trebek's face.

Hearing this disgusting response coming from Mr. Connery, Trebek decided that he finally had enough of their bull crap. It was time to end things now.

"I sooo want to kill myself for this..." Trebek muttered to himself while throwing the egg beater away, "Well, that's enough of that. Let's go right to Final Jeopardy, that way we can rush right into the fun. The category is, 'Random Letters'. All you have to do is write down any random letters you can think of, and you all win."

The producers cued the Final Jeopardy theme song at the right time as Jude, Cornholio and Sean Connery started writing down their answers and wagers immediately.

"Remember contestants, it can be any kind of random letter." Trebek said out loudly, "You can draw one letter. Or perhaps two. Heck, maybe three if you're interested. It doesn't have to be in any kind of order. As long as it's random, you will all win."

Hearing the theme song come to a screeching close, the threesome put down their pens so that Alex could check their progress. First up was Jude. The skater boy looked confident, and still looked high as a kite.

"Okay, let's check out the horrid mess they made this time." Trebek sighed, "Jude Lizowski wrote down."

_**Jude's answer: I LV U**_

"I love you..." Trebek said, reading the answer out loud, "Excellent work, Jude! Despite being high, you managed to answer correctly! I only hope you put down a wager."

_**Jude's wager: Caitlin**_

"Caitlin..." Trebek muttered, reading the wager.

In response, the people in the audience broke out with an 'awwwwww'. As if they were touched by Jude's wager. Trebek on the other hand, felt a bit different about it. He felt a bit annoyed by the skater boy himself.

"What can I say, bra?" Jude shrugged, "Chicks dig a pothead, bra..."

Being uncomfortable by Jude's drug-induced behavior _**(in which he always looks like a pothead in all of the 6teen episodes), **_Trebek decided to pass along to Cornholio's podium.

"Yeah, especially if they're ape-shit retarded..." Trebek whispered behind Jude's back, "Okay, Cornholio. I'm hoping you waged better than Jude. Let's see what you came up with."

_**Cornholio's answer: T P**_

"Ah, T.P.!" Trebek happily exclaimed, "You managed to answer correctly as well. Very surprising that I would see that, but technically, it's the right answer! Let's see what you wagered, shall we?"

_**Cornholio's wager: For my bunghole  
**_

"For my bunghole..." Trebek muttered in stunned silence.

His smile quickly turned into frustration instantly, "I guess that means you like to wipe your ass, huh?"

"I MUST NEED T.P! T.P. IS WHAT I NEED TO LIVE! CORNHOLIO'S BUNGHOLE MUST BE STUFFED WITH T.P.!" Cornholio shouted crazily yet again.

Trebek had enough of Cornholio's weird bullshit. So with a major statement...

...Trebek took Cornholio's arm...

...and broke it in half, bending it sideways like a messed-up Tetris piece!

"AGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH! IT HURTS!" Cornholio shouted in pain, "THAT ASSWIPE BROKE MY ARM! AAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

However, on the front side, that painful moment forced Cornholio to switch back to his regular character in Beavis.

"Good, then maybe you should enjoy the pain..." Trebek spoke down on a broken-armed Beavis.

He then approached his hated arch-rival's podium. It was total judgment day for Alex Trebek. What did Sean Connery have up his sleeve this time?

"Okay, for the love of me Mr. Connery, I can only assume you put down the same thing..." Trebek spoke out in a calm mood, "Let's see what Sean came up with..."

_**Connery's answer: M  
**_

Trebek couldn't be more lucky to see this. Apparently, all three contestants managed to enter correctly. For this, he was finally happy as he could ever be.

"M..." Trebek spoke in amazement, "That's another random letter! And a good one at that, Mr. Connery! I must say, you really impressed me, Sean. Despite your foul comments about my mother, you actually did good yet again."

"Yes, I definitely did, Trebek." Connery responded. It was another one of his tricks that Trebek was too foolish to even notice.

"Nice to see that smile of confidence." Trebek smiled once more, "Now let's see your wager."

_**Connery's wager: A picture of balls.  
**_

Looking both of his answer and wager, Trebek noticed the picture easily, resembling a poorly drawn penis.

In response, the host looked stunned and yet bothered once again while Sean Connery laughed at his face for perhaps the 1,000th time.

"You managed to fool me by drawing an entire penis..." Trebek muttered in shock.

Mr. Connery, much to his amusement, decided to rub it in his face, "Your mother's very familiar with that, Trebek! You should know because..."

"Yeah, I don't really give a damn, Mr. Connery." Trebek angrily sighed, cutting him off like last time, "As for this rotten shit-heap of a show, I quit! Good fucking night!"

With Trebek walking out of the set like a enraged psycho, the score from this god-forsaken episode was very simple:

The celebrities: 11. Alex Trebek: _Nada_.

* * *

**About Jude's wager, I have to say that I'm a major Jude/Caitlin shipper deep down. I wish they'd show 6teen here in the United States. That was awesome!  
**

**I've got once again another set of characters (besides Sean Connery) ready to take action against Alex Trebek next chapter, so you know what to do from here! (;D)  
**


	12. Raven, Montana Max and Sean Connery

**SNL Celebrity Jeopardy: The Cartoon Edition**

**Rated M**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Saturday Night Live, the Celebrity Jeopardy sketches or any cartoons associated with Cartoon Network, Disney, Hub Network, Adult Swim or the likeliness of SNL-styled Sean Connery. Just to let you know. **

* * *

**Chapter 12: Raven, Montana Max &**** Sean Connery  
**

The Celebrity Jeopardy theme song had played for the 12th time, yet again. Besides a certain bearded no-gooder, a mysterious teenager with a purple cloak and what seemed to be a minature version of Yosemite Sam with a leather jacket. Thinking second thoughts about this, Alex Trebek sighed as the cameras started rolling for the second round.

"Welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy..." Trebek muttered, "For those of you watching, I suggest you change the channel to something else. I'm serious. Watch something other than this train wreck you'll be seeing right now. But enough of that, let's see who's leading up. Raven from "Teen Titans GO! is at 1st place with an incredible $5."

The camera ended up getting a glimpse of Raven, who looked like her moody self. Oh wait, that's what she always looks like around her teammates.

"This show is boring..." Raven sighed, "Looking at your moustache makes me depressed. I should be home watching Pretty Pretty Pegasus instead."

"Yeah well, cry me a river, Raven." Trebek rolled his eyes sarcastically, "In 2nd place with -$7,000 is Montana Max from 'Tiny Toon Adventures'."

After Raven, the camera scrolled over to Montana Max with a greedy look on his face.

"Ha! After I'm done winning Jeopardy! I'm buying Alex Trebek and this whole entire show!" Montana Max chuckled, "I'm gonna turn this scrap heap and turn it into a golden turd!"

"Well, that sounded random..." Trebek replied in confusion, "And of course... in last place with a un-surprising $-60,000... Sean Connery."

The camera took their eye on the master thespian/pain-in-the-butt known as Sean Connery. With a smirk on his face, who knows what he's got planned for Trebek.

"Nice to see you on your feet, Trebek." Connery smirked evilly, "I'm certain your mother couldn't make it on her feet after the wild night I gave her!"

"Nice to see that ounce of antagonism hasn't gone away..." Trebek angrily muttered, "Anyway, here are the categories for Final Jeopardy. They are... 'Potent Potables', 'Tattoos', 'Cities That Start With 'Chicago', 'Are You Wearing Socks', 'Famous Sesame Street Birds', and finally, 'Phineas And Ferb' - in which I show you a picture of Phineas and Ferb, and you have to guess who it is, okay? Raven, since you're in the lead, you go first."

"Fine. I choose to pass, Trebek." Raven replied to the host.

"You can't pass, Raven." Trebek clearly reminded her, "You have to choose a category."

"Fine. Can I pass? This show is boring. And so is your face because it depresses me." Raven muttered once again.

Trebek rolled his eyes, thinking that he had to work with a contestant this boring. Now it was making Trebek more depressed to be here.

"I can see you were dropped on your head a few times..." The host painfully said.

"I actually did." Raven blurted out.

"Well then..." Trebek continued on, "Let's see if Montana Max wants to choose a category, then."

"Yeah, I choose your moustache! I want it!" Monty shouted out, pointing to Trebek's moustache.

Trebek raised his eyebrow at the greedy little moneymaker, "Monty, you do realize that this moustache is attached to me, right?"

"I'll pay you $1,000,000 for it." Monty said, handing out a check for million bucks for the host to see.

Knowing that he couldn't refuse the cash himself, Trebek raced over to Montana Max's podium, and single handedly ripped his moustache off. He gave Monty the moustache in exchange for the check. After he got his million dollars, Trebek went back to the host's podium.

"We shall never hear this again, Monty..." Trebek muttered sternly, "Anyway, Mr. Connery... I'll let you pick."

"Nice to hear that, Trebek." Connery spoke with a smile, "I'll have 'Tit Twos' for $400."

"Tit-Twos?" Trebek raised an eyebrow yet again, "Mr. Connery, it's pronounced Tattoos, not Tit-twos".

"Your mother's got some fine tit-two's!" Connery laughed at the host's expense.

Hearing that little comment, Trebek felt offended by Mr. Connery's dirty sex talk, "Good god, Mr. Connery, my mother is 95 years old and in a wheelchair! She couldn't even move her own back!"

"That's because she spent so much time on hers last night!" Connery smirked yet again.

This was growing way out of control. Trebek didn't know how to handle this situation very well.

"Really, Mr. Connery? Did you have to go there?" Trebek said, fuming like a mushroom cloud.

In the process, Montana Max decided to buzz in.

_***BUZZ!***_

"Montana Max, we haven't gotten to the category yet." Trebek spoke to the youngster.

"I want tit-twos! Can I get them on my butt?" Monty pleaded.

"No, Montana Max, you can't get them on your butt. Besides, you're too young!" Trebek muttered back.

"I don't care, Trebek! I want boobs on my butt!" Declared the cheapskate.

And yet, he looked a little confused. Was it possible for somebody to get silicone on their buttcheeks? In response, Montana Max turned to Sean Connery.

"Hey, Mr. Connery. Is it possible to get boobs on your butt?" Monty whispered over to Sean.

In total response, Connery smiled down at the youngster, "Anything is possible, my dear laddie!"

"We're talking about tattoos, not boobs here!" Trebek shouted out in anger, "Can we continue already?"

But they didn't continue, even when Raven decided to buzz in.

_***BUZZ!***_

"Miss Raven?" Trebek sighed.

"You suck." Raven snarled at him.

"Thanks for the compliment, Raven..." Trebek lowly muttered, "Look, why I don't I choose a category for you. How about 'Famous Sesame Street Birds' for $400? The answer is: 'This is the only yellow bird from Sesame Street that is big.'

_***BUZZ!***_

"Montana Max?"

"What is big boobs on my butt?" Monty guessed.

"Apparently not..." Trebek groaned, "Remember, this category is called 'Famous Sesame Street Birds'. It doesn't have anything to do with tits."

***BUZZ***

"Raven?" The host sighed again.

Raven didn't answer the question. Instead, she flipped Trebek off, just for the hell of it.

"I didn't mean that type of bird, Raven..." Trebek rolled his eyes.

_***BUZZ!***_

"Mr. Connery?" Trebek replied.

"What is Big Cock?" Connery guessed out.

"Mr. Connery. Big Cock is not a Sesame Street Character. I don't even know who that is." The host said in confusion.

Knowing that Trebek didn't get the clue, Connery informed him nicely, "Yeah, well your mother sure likes some big-"

"OHH-KAY THEN!" Trebek yelped, cutting him off at the right time. "Let's forget about that little moment and go right to Final Jeopardy. Your final category is Breakfast Foods. If you draw any food related to the important meal of the day, you'll win."

As the Final Jeopardy theme song started to play, Raven, Montana Max and Sean Connery grabbed their pens immediately and started writing. During the little intermission, Trebek spoke to the trio, giving them hints.

"You can draw any type of food. It can be eggs, or bacon, or toast, or sausage, or maybe a delicious porkchop. As long as it relates to breakfast, you cannot possibly mess this up."

Knowing that the theme song was about to come to a close, the three contestants finished putting down their answers and wagers. Trebek approached the violet-cloaked Raven first.

"Okay, Raven..." Trebek said with a hint of confidence, "I assume you put down a breakfast food so I'm guessing you must be right. Let's take a look at what Raven wrote."

_**Raven's answer: **_**_Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos_**

"Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos..." Trebek muttered, "That's not a type of breakfast food, that's your catchphrase on Teen Titans."

"I hesistated, so sue me." Raven spoke out in a unpleasing mood.

"Well, let's just see how much that answer cost you." Said the host.

_**Raven's wager: Look under your pants, Trebek  
**_

"Look under my pants...?" Trebek read the wager out loud.

Something was tugging under Trebek's pants. His buttocks felt cold with the cool fabric that instantly touched his skin.

In response to the wager, Trebek looked under his pants and realized his underwear went missing.

"My underwear! What on earth happened to my underwear?" Trebek said, feeling alarmed and panicked, "Raven, what on earth did you do to my underwear?"

"Look over your head." Raven smirked.

As if it magically appeared out of thin air, Trebek found out that he was wearing his own underwear on the top of his head. The audience and the rest of the contestants all took a good laugh. Trebek on the other hand, didn't find it amusing. He took the underwear off his head and immediately went over to Montana Max's podium.

"You're definitely Satan's evil baby bitch, I can tell..." Trebek muttered silently behind Raven's back, "All right, Montana Max, the clue is breakfast foods. Let's see what you managed to muster up."

_**Montana Max's answer: Boobs**_

"Boobs..." Trebek calmly growled, "And I might have the slightest feeling of what you wagered. Let's take a look...?"

_**Montana Max's wager: On my butt  
**_

"I knew it from the start..." Trebek sighed depressingly.

"I'm stinking rich, Trebek! I don't need this show!" Monty declared, "I can make my own body parts and stuff them anywhere I want! I can take an entire penis and put it on Buster Bunny's chin for the hell of it! But boobs on my butt is what I want first! I tell ya..."

Knowing by the way Monty was still talking through and through, Trebek decided to pass him and continue on with his arch-rival, Sean Connery.

"Don't ever come near this studio again!" Trebek spoke down on the youngster, "Mr. Connery. I can only assume you did better than the rest. Let's see what you've got.

_**Connery's answer: A picture of a fried egg  
**_

"A fried egg." Trebek spoke in amazement, "That's a breakfast item! I'm very surprised that you got that answer correct, Sean! You really do know your answers, do you?"

"Absolutely, Trebek." Connery pleasingly nodded, "After all, patience makes perfect."

"It definitely does, Mr. Connery." Trebek added with a smile, "Now let's see what wager you came up with.

_**Connery's wager: A picture of an another fried egg  
**_

Trebek's smile had changed to sudden confusion. Why would his wager be another breakfast item.

"Um, you seem to wager another fried egg." The host said, feeling a bit boggled.

Connery decided to paint a bigger picture for him and reply, "Lean your head to the side, Trebek. You'll see what I'm talking about."

"I don't know what you mean, Mr. Connery... but all right." The host sighed.

Trebek bent over and leaned his head to the side where he saw the answer and wager come together. To Trebek's unexpected surprise...

...it was nothing but a picture of boobs.

Connery took a chance at Trebek's utter stupidity and laughed. Truth be told, Trebek didn't find it amusing.

"You drew boobs?" The host raised an eyebrow at Mr. Connery.

"The best kind of them so far!" Connery laughed yet again.

"All three of you disgust me so..." Trebek muttered sadly to the trio, "That's all for our show, I'm gonna try not stick my hand through a meat grinder. Good night."

For the awfully 12 time of the Cartoon edition of Celebrity Jeopardy, Trebek left the studio defeated once again.

* * *

**Truth is, I think getting boobs on your butt is waaaaaay disturbing when done in real life.  
**

**Anyway, what will I plan next for the next chapter? Until then, you know what to do! (;D)**


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